


Of love triangles and other things that make university love complicated

by miss_chevalier



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Love Triangle, M/M, University, flatmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2012-12-08
Packaged: 2017-11-20 14:57:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_chevalier/pseuds/miss_chevalier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is excited about finally going to uni, making new friends and living the student life. Unfortunately there are obstacles to overcome before finding your one true love at university (like said love’s girlfriend).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of love triangles and other things that make university love complicated

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea how this turned so huge. Big thanks to my cheerleader drarryxlover (I know it wasn’t easy with me but you really helped me a lot) and to my awesome beta millicca.

° - ° - °

“So Merlin, tell us a bit about yourself,” the guy named Lance said and smiled reassuringly. “What do you study?”

Merlin nervously looked between the dark haired beauty and the other two flat mates: Gwen and Arthur.

He cleared his throat before answering. “I er, I will start physics next term so... yeah...”. Crap, this was not an answer. Merlin really liked the flat. It was cheap, close to uni and the other flat mates were very friendly. Well, at least Lance and Gwen were. Gwen had made some excellent tea and Lance was always smiling reassuringly after every question that was directed at Merlin. Only this Arthur guy was a bit strange. He was Gwen’s boyfriend and sitting far too close to her for Merlin’s taste. One of his arms was hidden from sight behind Gwen but judging from the occasional blushing and giggling from Gwen it wasn’t just slung around her waist.

“Jesus, relax,” Arthur let out a sigh. “Look we just want to find someone who fits into our flat and would like to occupy the last bedroom. There are no wrong answers to our questions. The only thing we want to know is whether you would fit with us. There is no need to look like a startled rabbit.”

“Although I have to say the scared animal look is making me want to adopt him. Can we keep him, please?” Gwen giggled and Merlin felt embarrassed. At the same time he didn’t miss the subliminal consent.

“Well Merlin, as we said,” Lance began, “Gwen and Arthur are sharing the biggest room while the other two bedrooms are about the same size. We all use the bathroom and the kitchen together and there is a small storage closet where we put stuff we don’t need at the moment but don’t want to throw away just yet – ”

“It’s something mainly Lance uses,” Arthur interjected and received an affectionate shove from Gwen.

Merlin found himself laughing at their mutual teasing that felt familiar already. “I would love to move in with the lot of you.”

“And I would definitely prefer this idiot over the arrogant sport student and the perverse Frenchman.”

“Arthur, don’t be mean. They weren’t that bad.” Merlin had a feeling that Gwen was one of those people who always found something good in everyone.

Lance seemed to agree with Arthur however. “No, they really were that bad, Gwen, I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” All heads turned to Merlin before Arthur answered with an amused smile.

“For one, the Frenchman asked if he could join Gwen and myself when we had our special time and the sportsperson thought he was hotter than any of us.”

They all burst out laughing at the impressions Arthur did and Gwen asked if anyone wanted more tea.

Merlin thought that this was going quite well – little did he know about the love triangles, heart breaks and alcohol excesses that awaited him.

° - ° - °

It was not Merlin’s fault that he was late for his very first lecture. If one could even name it ‘late’. He still had a few minutes left and the only problem was that he had no clue about where to find the lecture hall C236, let alone how to get there. Admittedly it hadn’t been the best idea to move into the new flat the day prior to his first day at university but he hadn’t known there was so much information he had to look up before actually going to his lectures. Merlin was still freaked out by the possibility of having missed anything.

On top of that Merlin hadn’t talked to Lance, Gwen or Arthur at all since he had taken a look at the flat, due to his (non-existent) time management. The past evening he had only shortly been in the kitchen to grab something to eat and then disappeared into his room again. He hoped that the others weren’t mad at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to meet new people, quite the opposite actually. Merlin had restlessly waited to finally go to university. He wanted to meet new people and learn about topics he was interested in.

Merlin was so lost in his thoughts and distracted by scanning the signs next to the doors he passed that he didn’t pay attention to the crowd of people waiting in front of one of the lecture halls and promptly bumped into a blonde. Merlin’s bag slipped from his shoulder and landed in a heap to his feet. The woman let out a shriek and in the process of turning around lost her footing.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry.” Merlin extended his hand to help her up but he was beaten to it by a tall man who had most likely been talking to his victim. He was quite a bit taller than Merlin himself and had muscles that made Merlin think it wouldn’t be wise to have him as an enemy. When he took a closer look at his face however, Merlin noticed that it stood in stark contrast to the rest of his body. His eyes looked soft and twinkled with the small smile on his lips.

“It was my fault to be honest,” the blonde said and interrupted Merlin’s train of thought. “I’m too clumsy for words.” Merlin directed his look to her and saw her wiping of her chequered skirt frantically. He couldn’t help a small smile escaping him. “Usually I’m the clumsy one,” he admitted and bent down to pick up his bag.

“Yeah well, no one beats me,” the woman smiled at him and extended her hand. “I’m Elena and this is Percy.” She pointed to Bulging Muscles.

“And my name’s Merlin. I’m honestly sorry for bumping into you like that. It’s just that I am slightly freaked out at the moment. First day at uni and all and I’m already late. And on top of that I can’t find the right lecture hall, don’t even know whether I’m in the right building.”

“Which one are you looking for?” Percy asked.

Merlin named it and received laughter from his new acquaintances.

“What? Have I missed something?” He looked confused from one to the other for some seconds before Elena took pity on him.

“Percy and me are also freshers starting physics. You’re standing right in front of lecture hall C236.”

“Yeah, for some reason we haven’t allowed inside yet. Elena and I have been standing here for half an hour now and the number of people is constantly rising,” Percy chimed in just as the doors opened and everyone stormed inside as if free cookies were offered inside.

Merlin followed them and sat down next to Elena. After producing a pencil and a piece of paper out of his bag, Merlin turned to the couple again and asked “Have you known each other for long?”

Elena gently smiled at him. “Oh no, we met half an hour ago outside the lecture hall.”

“Really? Sorry, I just assumed ...”

“That’s alright, Merlin. The great thing is that it’s still the first day and I already befriended two gorgeous guys.” Elena grinned like a Cheshire cat and clapped her hands.

“Just to get this straight out of the way: I’m gay. And I’m planning to be open about it here at uni, I’ve been hiding it for long enough. This is finally the place where I can – ”

Merlin didn’t get any further because Elena had engulfed him in a hug.

“Alright, this reaction is new.” He threw a confused look through Elena’s blond locks to Percy who just shook his head at him and mouthed “no idea” at him.

Elena extricated herself from Merlin and tugged her hair back behind her ears. She suddenly seemed much quieter. “Sorry, I can be quiet fierce. Add that to the clumsy bit and well... People weren’t that thrilled at school.”

Merlin smiled in sympathy. “Same here. Gay, clumsy, enormous ears – I wasn’t exactly popular either.”

“And I can’t really contribute to that. Football team, popular with the girls... Sorry, no,” Percy finished and they all cracked up.

“No really, I didn’t mean to frighten you, Merlin. I just – oh gosh that’s such a cliché but – I always wanted to have a gay friend like in all those movies. Will you go shopping with me and let me cry on your shoulder about those stupid men I will meet?”

“I can go shopping with you but I have been told to have an atrocious fashion sense. So, accompany and carry your bags? Yes. Advise you on which items you should buy? Better not.”

“That will be alright. I still adore you already. You too, Percy.” Elena winked at Percy and then they all turned to the man at the front of the lecture hall who had begun welcoming all the new students.

° - ° - °

A view hours later Merlin stood in front of his new home, fumbling with the keys. When he finally got the door to open he quickly got rid of his bag in his room and stepped into the kitchen. Gwen was standing there chopping some vegetables. When she noticed him, she sent him a brief smile. “Hey, wanna help me with this?”

“Sure. Are you often cooking together?” Merlin approached her, rolling up his sleeves, and was given a knife by Gwen.

“Not every day and it’s rather rare that all of us cook together but sharing between two of us occurs.”

“You mean yourself and Arthur. Sharing the meals like you share the bed?”

Gwen blushed at that and Merlin was almost sorry for making her so obviously uncomfortable.

“For how long have you two been together? And if you don’t want to answer any of my questions, just say so. I’m new to the concept of flat sharing and don’t quite know the dos and don’ts yet.”

“Don’t worry, Merlin. If I really don’t appreciate something you’ll know. It started with Arthur looking for flat mates. As we already told you Uther pays most of the rent so Arthur could freely choose who he wanted to live with. Initially he was of course only looking for two flat mates and decided on Lance and myself. At first I was a bit uncomfortable with living with two guys but both of them are so nice when you get to know them.”

Merlin noticed how Gwen’s voice went that little tad softer.

“And then somehow I fell in love with Arthur and he with me and we decided to share the biggest room. That was a few months into the first term and when the second began we found a new flat mate: William Deira. But he didn’t like it here at the University of Camelot and went somewhere else. And now you’re here.”

“But you three didn’t know each other before studying here?”

Gwen shook her head. “No, we all met here. And then there were pub crawls and parties and all that stuff. Everyone brought people along from their courses and our little group grew. Arthur’s sister Morgana is studying here at Camelot, too, for example. Do you have brothers or sisters?”

“A sister: Freya. She’s four years younger than me. Puberty is making her act a bit strange at the moment but at least she’s doing well at school back home. And my parents are doing a good job at keeping her at bay. What about you?”

“One older brother. Elyan is studying medicine at the University back home in Nottingham.”

“Oh wow, medicine. That’s impressive.”

Gwen shot him a pained look. “Please don’t give me that. Everyone who knows both of us is always talking about how difficult medicine is. As if wanting to earn one’s money by being a primary school teacher is somehow less accomplished.”

“I didn’t mean to – ”

“I’m sure you didn’t, Merlin, but it’s still what all our family members and friends think. I know they don’t mean to make me feel less worthy but... well...” Gwen froze for a moment staring at nothing in particular before shaking her head slightly. “And now I’ve rambled about my insecurities, sorry. Tell me how your first day at uni went.”

“It was brilliant. I mean it was only organisational stuff that we were told but I already have two friends and I wasn’t late.” Even to Merlin’s own ears this report sounded rather like the tale of a first school day than a first day at uni.

“Oh Merlin, I like you. We are going to have the best ramblings ever. Pass me the salt please, would you?”

Merlin did and felt warmth pool in his stomach. He still had to get to know Arthur and Lance better but Gwen was already someone he could see himself sharing secrets with. She put a frying pan on the cooker and began frying the vegetables.

“By the way a few of our friends are coming over this Friday. Do you want to join us? There’s going to be alcohol and you’ll gain even more new friends. Some of them are a bit ... let’s say special but every single one of them’s also really nice. Please say yes?”

Merlin answered without having to think about it. “Sure, sounds great. Should I buy anything?”

“I was going to buy everything on Thursday and then we can split the money between all of us.”

“Would you mind if I accompanied you?” Merlin still needed to find out where to shop for his groceries.

“But of course not. That’s a brilliant idea. I can show you all the important shops nearby and the shortcuts.”

She winked at him and added rice into the pan. Just as Merlin wanted to ask what he should do next, Lance appeared at the door.

“Do I smell food?”

Gwen’s laughter filled the room and Merlin grinned, adding another plate to the table.

° - ° - °

Merlin was in trouble. The first friends had arrived and he still didn’t know what to wear. At school this hadn’t been an issue. He had never been invited by the popular guys and when he went to drink something with Will he didn’t need to dress especially for the occasion. Now however, Merlin didn’t know whether his flatmates’ friends required special dress or not. He was still standing in front of his wardrobe, contemplating which shirt he should wear with his jeans, when a knock sounded on his door.

“Yes?” His voice sounded even more insecure than he was feeling.

“Merlin?” Gwen’s head appeared in the door frame. “Morgana and Leon are here. Are you coming? Why are you half naked?”

“Gwen! Thank God. Come in, quick.” Merlin dragged her into the room and shut his door. “I need your help. Which shirt should I wear?”

“Just a shirt. Anything will do as long as it’s clean.”

“Right.” Merlin resumed staring at his wardrobe. He didn’t even own that many shirts. How could the choice even be this hard?

“Oh for – Just take the blue t-shirt,” Gwen said impatiently and began pulling it out from between the others.

“But my jeans is blue. Won’t that look very... monotonous and boring? Gwen, I’m really relying on you dressing me here. Me? No fashion sense whatsoever. That specific gay-gene has been lost on me.”

Gwen clearly had problems containing her giggles.

“It’s not funny. In a few moments I am going to meet your friends and I’m sure they will all be perfect and friendly and well-dressed. And then I will walk in and they are all going to laugh out loud. Ha ha.”

“Calm down, Merlin. No one of them makes their judgements based on outer appearance. Well, no one except Gwaine maybe...”

“It’s still going to be the first impression.”

Gwen eyed him warily. “Right. Put on this red one then.” She pulled out one of his older t-shirts that was wine-coloured and slightly faded.

Merlin was quite satisfied with her choice and also slightly embarrassed because had he really just needed Gwen to dress him? Before he could further dwell on his childish behaviour however, Gwen forced him out of the room and into the kitchen.

When they arrived there, Arthur and Lance were sitting on chairs around their little pull-out table, laughing with a woman and a man Merlin hadn’t seen yet. The woman was beautiful with her white porcelain skin and her black hair that was artfully arranged but should supposedly still look casual. Her jeans and top seemed to cost more than any piece of clothing Merlin had ever owned. The man was sitting next to her. He had a beard and curled fair hair. His hand was resting on the woman’s thigh and he was smiling while listening to her telling a tale about someone named Morgause.

Lance spotted Gwen and Merlin first when they entered the kitchen. “Ah, there he is. Morgana, Leon, this is our newest flatmate. May I introduce: Merlin.”

Merlin almost felt obliged to do a little curtsy when the strangers’ eyes settled on him. He approached the table and settled with a simple handshake.

“Morgana is my sister – ”

“Half-sister, Arthur dear. Let’s be honest.” Morgana sent a sweet smile and an innocent look towards Arthur who just shook his head fondly.

“Alright, alright. This is Morgana, my half-sister and her boyfriend Leon. He’s studying business with me and I’m proud to say I – Arthur Pendragon – am the reason they even met in the first place.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Leon said and nodded at Arthur. “Morgana isn’t someone who is simply overlooked. If Arthur hadn’t introduced us, I would have still noticed her in between lectures.”

“You would have noticed her, my dear friend,” Arthur added, “but you would never have been brave enough to chat her up. Never. And she would have said ‘no’.”

To be perfectly honest, Merlin found Arthur’s comment plainly insulting. Leon was maybe not as stunning in looks as Morgana and Arthur but they were hardly the norm. The man seemed to be rather tall from what Merlin could see, had big hands and such a gentle face that gained a bit of roughness through the beard that – in Merlin’s opinion – he was handsome. To his credit, Leon seemed to take it in his stride.

“Thank you for strengthening my self-assurance,” he commented and shook his head slightly.

Maybe what Merlin perceived as Arthur being an impudent prat, was just their usual antics. Still, it wasn’t nice to embarrass someone in front of their girlfriend and a stranger – Merlin would definitely object to such behaviour from a friend.

He sat down on one of the empty chairs next to Lance while Gwen made her way over to Arthur. Before she could sit down though, the doorbell rang. Another woman entered. She was a bit taller than Gwen, had long brown hair and kind eyes. Although less fashionable than Morgana’s, her clothes weren’t entirely casual either. If Merlin had to pinpoint it, he would have said it was because of the elaborate golden necklace she wore.

“Hi, I’m Mithian.” She extended her hand and Merlin was surprised by her firm handshake. “I’m studying to be a primary school teacher like Gwen. That’s also how we met.”

“Nice to meet you, Mithian. My name’s Merlin and I’m the new flatmate.”

“Yes, yes,” Mithian had a twinkle in her eyes that made Merlin feel a bit uncomfortable. “Gwen’s already been talking about you.”

Merlin sent a confused glance towards Gwen who stared back with innocent eyes. “Nothing bad, I promise.”

“I can guarantee that. Gwen never talks bad behind people’s backs – except when they deserve it of course. Morgana and I have successfully introduced her to the world of gossip.” Mithian asked whether there was anything to eat besides crisps because apparently she was starving. Gwen offered her a sandwich and suddenly they all found themselves eating sandwiches together.

“Gwen, these are delicious as ever,” Lance complimented her. She blushed and as an answer smiled at him. Arthur, who had once again slung his arm around Gwen’s waist, kissed her and murmured a bit louder than was necessary in Merlin’s opinion, “That’s one of the reasons I love her.”

Gwen’s face turned even redder but except from Merlin no one even seemed to notice. They were probably used to red being Gwen’s facial colour from time to time.

Lance was supplying everyone with alcohol – Merlin personally thought that they had bought a stock of alcohol that would last at least an entire month rather than one evening – when the doorbell sounded once again. Lance went to welcome their last guest and came back with a man who had dark hair that reached his shoulders. The smile he tossed at their little group could have featured in an advertisement for toothpaste. To be honest, he could have featured in some kind of high quality advertisement. Merlin was a bit stunned at his looks.

“Gwaine, finally! Where have you been?” Arthur asked as soon as the man had entered the kitchen and sat down next to Arthur.

“Sorry, guys. But I er... There was something else I had to take care of before joining you.”

Mithian who occupied the chair to Merlin’s right stage whispered to him, “In Gwaine’s language that means he needed to have sex with someone first.”

“It’s his top priority. Always and in every situation,” Gwen added cheerfully.

“You forgot to mention ‘with every willing woman he can find’,” Morgana said, barely able to contain her laughter.

“Oi! You make me sound like sex is the only thing I’m interested in,” Gwaine protested. “Don’t listen to them, new one, they’re lying.”

“My name’s Merlin. And don’t worry, I tend to make up my own mind.”

“Thank you. Now, where’s the vodka?”

Morgana rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky you have a cock, Merlin. Otherwise you would already find yourself in Gwaine’s lap. Drink as much as possible and shag as many women as you can – that’s his life philosophy.”

Gwaine shrugged nonchalantly. “I won’t argue that. So, how many screws have you had in your first week?”

Merlin choked on his Gin Ginger Ale at that question which prompted Leon and Arthur to burst out into laughter.

“Your face, Merlin,” said the latter. “Come on, answer your new friend.”

Before Merlin could even open his mouth, Lance insisted, “You don’t need to. They’re just pulling your leg.”

“Oh but it’s something we would all like to hear. It’s a fascinating experiment. How long does it take someone with ears like that to have a one-night stand?”

“Arthur, stop it. Sorry, Merlin. His head is probably already damaged from those few sips of whiskey my half-brother’s had.”

“You’re such a spoilsport,” Arthur retorted and sent her an annoyed glare.

“And you’re a prat who should work on his behaviour,” Merlin hissed and took another sip of his drink.

“Well done, Merlin,” Mithian said as she toasted her glass of wine in Merlin’s direction. “Keep that up. Arthur needs someone to tell him off from time to time. And as Gwen is seeing him through rose-tinted glasses, Morgana spends most of her time with Leon and Lance is far too polite, it’s up to you to put him in his place.”

“For the sake of all of us,” Leon added with a smirk.

“Oh come on guys, I’m not that bad,” Arthur insisted with a pout and nipped at his whiskey.

Merlin didn’t agree, Arthur was a prat. But sadly his hair looked perfect for running one’s fingers through during sex and the way his lips touched the glass was very distracting. Fortunately, Merlin still managed to make it through the night without voicing his desire to touch his new flat mate - because Arthur was a clotpole. He just had to keep that in mind.

° - ° - °

“What is that?” Merlin stared at the plate which Mithian set down in front of her.

“The canteen’s vegetarian menu for today,” Mithian replied slightly irritated.

Merlin eyed her sceptically. “To me it rather looks like a chunk of green and yellow. Do you really want to eat that?”

“It’s called vegetables, Merlin,” Gwen replied. “And as Mithian is a vegetarian, there’s not that much she can choose.”

Merlin felt bad. “You should have said so. We didn’t need to have our lunch in the canteen. We could have gone somewhere else instead.”

Mithian took up her fork and began to eat. “I know it doesn’t exactly look delicious but it’s relatively good.”

Merlin could not quite bring himself to believe her but did not say anything further. Elena set her meal tray down next to him. “Hi, I’m Elena. You must be Gwen and Mithian. So, who is who?”

Before any of the women could answer, Merlin’s laughter interrupted their lunch. Elena was the most forward person Merlin had ever known – except maybe Will. The difference was that Will was even more uncomfortable and insulting most of the time.

“Did I do or say something wrong?” Elena’s brown eyes stared at him, wide open and slightly scared.

As Merlin shook his head, Gwen reached out her hand and cleared things up as to their identities. “I’m Gwen and this is Mithian. We’re both studying to become primary school teachers. You’re doing physics, right?”

Elena nodded. “Yes, with Merlin and Percy.”

“Percy’s the one with the muscles, isn’t he?” Merlin frowned at Gwen. “Yes, Merlin, you’ve mentioned that.”

“Right, and of course that’s the thing you remember of all the things I told you about Percy.”

“We just have our priorities set,” Mithian said and shrugged.

Elena giggled. “Percy is fit.”

“But also amazingly good at solving equations,” Merlin protested.

“I didn’t say his appearance was his sole virtue,” Elena replied just as indignantly which caused Mithian to cackle.

Merlin did not miss the slight blush spreading over Elena’s cheeks as they continued with their lunch.

° - ° - °

“Yes Will, they’re all nice.”

“Just nice?”

Merlin sighed. “It’s only been three weeks since term started. Not like I know everything about everyone. But my flatmates Gwen and Lance are the most helpful people on the planet and although that Arthur guy is a jerk most of the time, it could be far worse.” Did Will think they still stole your lunch at uni? Or scattered the contents of your bag across the schoolyard?

“And what about fellow students in your course?”

“God, Will, you sound like my mum. The people here are all friendly and I’ve made some new friends. No jerks who make fun of my sexuality or anything, alright?” Will’s concern was touching in a way and Merlin was glad to have such a caring friend but this time it was just ridiculous.

“Sorry mate, but I just want to know that studying won’t be like school for you. It’s supposed to be the time of your life.”

“Thanks, but there’s no need to worry, honestly. Listen, do you mind if I put you on speakerphone? I’m currently trying to cook.”

“Sure. So ... have you met anyone yet?”

“Ehm, there’s Elena – she’s really adorable, fussing about everything and generally being heart-warmingly concerned – and Percy with his big muscles, especially his upper arms. I’m guessing that Elena ogles him whenever she can but I haven’t caught her in the act yet. And then there are Morgana and Leon who are quite cute together, although I’m still trying to find out who’s wearing the pants in that relationship. And Gwaine is easily described with the word – ”

“No Merlin. What I meant was: have you met anyone yet?”

Merlin stopped spreading the butter on his toast and threw an irritated glance at his mobile phone lying on the worktop. “I was just telling you – ”

“Anyone hot with a cock.” Merlin could almost hear Will roll his eyes.

“Oh, you mean have I met anyone yet.” Merlin heard Will heave a grave sigh at the other end of the line. “Er no, unfortunately not.”

“But you’ve gone and got yourself drunk and had a proper groping, didn’t you? A snog?”

“Nope. I have drunk alcohol with some friends though. Does that count?”

“As long as there aren’t any embarrassing videos, photos or at least tales of you making out or being naked with a stranger or mere acquaintance, I am disappointed in you, Merlin Emrys.”

Merlin nearly let the finished slice of toast fall to the ground as he squealed indignantly. “Why am I a disappointment if I don’t wander around and have sex with strangers?”

“Because I’d hoped you’ve finally understood that your romantic notions won’t get you anywhere. You need to start living in the real world – and that’s not filled with amorous gestures like rose petals scattered all over your bed or handwritten letters and poems.”

Poems and love letters were definitely not Merlin’s cup of tea. And the rose petals? Well, that was rather about the thought behind it and not because Merlin liked the petals on his naked skin so much. “What the fuck, Will? I never said I wanted any of those.” Angrily Merlin cracked an egg and almost destroyed the yolk as he let it slide into the frying pan.

“No, but you didn’t have to. I’ve known you for far too long.”

“Seriously, Will, I am not a hopeless romantic. But I have to agree with you nevertheless, sex is long overdue.”

“Then get out there and find someone.”

“As if that were so easy,” Merlin sighed wistfully and added the bacon to the egg.

“Merlin, I’ve told you often enough: it doesn’t have to be Mr. Right Guy or Mr. Love-of-My-Life. Just someone to have fun with.”

“You know that’s not that easy, so shut it. I’m trying my best.”

“Liar. You will go out tonight, chat somebody up and then you are going to get your arse – ”

“Therapy session, Merlin?”

Merlin did not catch what that somebody should do specifically to his backside because Arthur was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“I’ll call you back, Will.”

“Whatever, mate. But remember to wear your tight black jeans. They work on ninety percent of the guys you – ”

“Yes, thank you,” were Merlin’s last words to Will because he ended the phone call without hesitation and stared with horrified eyes at his mobile phone.

Arthur chuckled, barely containing his laughter, when he walked to the fridge and began making himself a sandwich.

“He’s not my therapist,” Merlin mumbled, putting all his food onto a plate, and sat down at the kitchen table.

“Yeah, that wasn’t a serious guess. A good friend?”

“Best one actually,” Merlin admitted almost shyly. “We went to school together, the usual stuff.”

“He’s not studying here at Camelot University?” Arthur took the seat facing him and started eating as well.

“No, he’s not studying at all. Doesn’t fit him anyway. He stayed in Ealdor and started his apprenticeship.”

“Remind me again, where’s Ealdor?”

Merlin snickered. “In the middle of nowhere. No really, it’s just a small village in the south of Wales.”

“Was being gay a problem there?”

Choking on his toast, Merlin had difficulties wrapping his head around Arthur’s question. Merlin wasn’t used to people accepting his sexuality freely but he was even less used to people asking him openly and without any inhibitions about it.

“Too direct, sorry. I just heard what you said to him about it being easier here.”

Finally Merlin managed to stop the coughing and swallowed. “It is. Fellow pupils’ puberty just wasn’t the ideal support. Here, it feels like it doesn’t even matter at all. You for example don’t look shocked or at least surprised.”

“That’s because Gwen and Morgana were gushing over you already.”

“They did what?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t quite believe them. You’re not carrying giant rainbow flag about or wear some t-shirts with statements or even have a little badge.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, Mr. I-Know-Everything-About-Gays, but not all of us declare our sexuality to that extent.” With that Merlin grabbed his plate and left the kitchen. Eating by himself in his room was a far better prospect than with Arthur.

° - ° - °

Merlin stepped into the little café and was immediately engulfed by the warmth. The difference in temperature was welcome and caused Merlin to stop a few steps into the room. Someone promptly walked into him and he quickly searched for Lance. It wasn’t easy to spot him in the cosy café full of nooks and crannies. Luckily, Gwen saw him and from her position behind the counter pointed to the back of the café. Lance sat at a small round table and waved at him. Making his way through the tables, Merlin flashed a smile at Gwen and took a closer look at the furnishing. The café contained only tables such as the one Merlin was heading to. There were never more than four chairs around each, indicating that this was a small café offering tea, coffee and cake but nothing beyond that. Merlin thought that Gwen fitted in perfectly.

“Hey Lance.”

“Merlin finally. Was there a problem? Did you have trouble finding Queen of Hearts?” Lance asked, sounding rather concerned than impatient.

“No, I just got stuck talking to Percy. He’s the one studying physics like me.”

“Oh I see, good. I wasn’t sure whether I described it sufficiently.”

“You did. Don’t worry. I would’ve called if I hadn’t been able to find it.”

Gwen approached their table. “Hi Merlin, Lance. What can I bring you?”

They ordered tea and some apple pie before Gwen hastened away.

“It’s really nice in here,” Merlin commented, letting his eyes roam the room once more.

Lance nodded. “I always like the way you see the wooden beams.”

“And it’s close to uni,” Gwen added as she brought them their tea and cake. “By the way, I talked to Mithian earlier. We’re going out this Friday, Merlin. Do you want to bring Elena and Percy along?”

“Sure – if everyone’s okay with that.”

“Of course we are. Elena’s such a sweetheart. And we finally want to meet Muscle-Man.” She winked at him and waltzed away again.

“What’s it always with women and muscles?” Lance asked bitterly.

Merlin turned to him, frowning.

Shrugging in answer, Lance concluded, “I mean it’s not the only thing we have to offer, is it?”

“I’m not an expert with women as you know. But that’s not what you’re really asking, is it Lance?”

A sigh was heaved as Merlin took a sip of his tea. Lance didn’t answer which caused Merlin to pause and look at Lance. His eyes were fixed in the direction of the kitchen where Gwen had disappeared.

“Oh Lance, do you – this isn’t about women in general is it?”

“No,” Lance answered while shaking his head slightly.

There was an awkward pause that seemed to stretch relentlessly while they both tasted their pies. Merlin did not want to ask directly although there was no need to. There was such longing and misery in Lance’s eyes that Merlin would have needed to be blind in order to miss what this meant.

“I love her, Merlin,” Lance mumbled into his cup.

Yes, that much was obvious. “Did you meet her through the flat?”

“No, I knew her before Arthur even laid eyes upon her. We met during the first few weeks of uni and when I read about Arthur searching for flat mates I suggested we take a look at it together. She had told me she was looking for something, too. I basically introduced them to each other,” he added bitterly.

“Does she know? I mean, have you ever told her?”

Lance threw a tormented glance at him. “She should know. We slept together.”

Merlin almost let the cup slip from his hands in shock. “You what? When?”

“Before this all turned into a disaster.” Lance buried his head in his hands.

“A bit more specific if possible. I’m having trouble putting all this together into the bigger picture.”

“But you mustn’t tell anyone, Merlin. She wouldn’t want it. I’m just telling you now because I have to tell somebody or I’ll go insane.”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone,” Merlin said honestly.

“Right, so Gwen and I met when I first walked into this café. There was something that just clicked when I saw her. It was as if – ”

“Yes,” Merlin interrupted. “Could you please tell me without the romantic elements? Not in the mood for that.”

Lance nodded. “So I asked her out but never tried a move or anything. It was enough to get to know her at first. And then we looked at the flat and Arthur was friendly, so we decided to give it a shot. I realised that there was something developing between Gwen and Arthur and was afraid that I’d blown my chances. But then one night we were out drinking and well … let’s just say that Gwen and I both ended up in my bed.”

“So why aren’t you a couple now?”

“I don’t know.” Lance ran his fingers through his hair. “She said she was more attracted to him than to me.”

“But that doesn’t have to be about muscles. If it were me, I’d say you in terms of hotness you two are on the same level.”

“Maybe now. But a year ago I looked a bit differently.”

Merlin was confused. “You’re not implying that our sweet Gwen chose based on looks, do you?”

“Not only on looks. What if that night wasn’t as great as I thought it had been?”

“No Lance, stop. Speculating about her motives isn’t helping anyone.” Merlin took another bite off his pie. “Why did you stay in the flat?”

Lance shrugged. “The rent is cheap as Uther pays most of it and it’s not like I hate Arthur directly. I may not like him as Gwen’s boyfriend but apart from that we have become good friends.”

“Right, I understand that.”

Silence again.

Gwen approached their table. “Do you want anything else guys?”

“No thanks, Gwen. The pie’s delicious,” Merlin answered for both of them.

Gwen beamed at him. When she was gone Merlin turned to Lance again. “So why are you studying art? Do you want to become a teacher as well?”

“No,” Lance replied with a small smile. “I want to earn my money working in a museum.”

“You have to tell me how you ended up there,” Merlin declared, thankful for a lighter topic.

° - ° - °

This was a nightmare.

Merlin pressed the pillow tighter to his ears, trying to shut the noises out – but it was no use. The thudding didn’t stop and the rhythm was relentless. Whenever it faltered, the moaning grew louder. Merlin was grateful that Lance did not sleep in this room, the room next to Gwen and Arthur’s. His was further down the corridor, next to the kitchen that was attached to the other side of Merlin’s room. Merlin desperately tried to keep his arousal in control at yet another moan.

The thudding picked up speed before slowing down again and Merlin was grateful it was over – except it wasn’t. He decided to take more drastic measures and jumped out of bed. Quickly he made his way over to his bag and fished his MP3 player out. Just as he popped the earpieces in and started the first song regardless of what it was, he heard a faint “Oh Arthur”.

When he saw Gwen in the kitchen the next morning, she blushed and quickly asked whether he could do the groceries after uni because she needed to prepare a presentation.

° - ° - °

Two days later Merlin was still trying to eliminate any images of Gwen and Arthur having sex next door. Not that he was a prude but thinking about Arthur thrusting into someone with determination made Merlin feel something he was scared of. He wanted it, wanted to be pounded by Arthur. This was a dangerous thought because not only was Arthur not gay, he was also Gwen’s boyfriend. Even if Merlin had not quite reached a level of friendship with Arthur yet, he had with Gwen.

“ – unbelievable. Don’t ever set so much as a single foot into my pub again.”

“I’m telling you I didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t care. Every time you’re in here, there is some kind of trouble.”

Merlin turned his head to the source of the noise and spotted Gwaine exiting a pub on the other side of the road.

“Your beer didn’t taste good anyway.”

Merlin crossed the road and tried to hide his smile. “Did you just get thrown out of that pub?”

“Oh, hey Merlin,” Gwaine waved at him cheerfully before his expression turned gloomy. “It wasn’t my fault. She wanted me, she just didn’t know yet.”

“Of course.” Gwen had told Merlin some stories about Gwaine and from what he had gathered the blame lay with Gwaine more often than not. “Elena and I found a nice pub last week. Wanna go there instead?”

Gwaine flashed a grin at him. “I like you, Merlin. Lead the way.”

Merlin was glad he remembered the way to the pub. It wasn’t exactly close by and he had only been there once. The pub itself was just outside the town centre and with his modern furniture relatively new. Gwaine seemed to know of the place already.

“Excellent choice, young padawan,” Gwaine joked as they sat down at a table. “Your first pint’s on me.”

“Who said anything about me drinking tonight?”

Gwaine just chuckled as an answer. “You still have much to learn,” he added as he got up to get them their drinks. “But don’t worry, I’ll teach you.”

Merlin didn’t think he wanted to learn anything from Gwaine, especially if it was about women, drinking or a combination thereof.

“Did you go on a date?”

Merlin’s head whipped around. “Excuse me?”

“No date then? Where have you been then before picking me up?”

“At the library.” The smile Gwaine was directing at him could rather be described as a leer. “And I did not pick you up. This is just drinking a cider with a friend.” Better to clear things up immediately.

“Damn it,” Gwaine cursed, sounding honestly upset.

“You’re not even gay, Gwaine.” Then Merlin remembered that Gwaine had never outright denied it. “Are you?”

Gwaine smiled knowingly as if Merlin’s fear was obvious and his answer was generosity more than anything else. “No, but it’s one of the things on my list of sexual kinks I still want to try out before hitting thirty.”

Merlin spluttered. “Excuse me? Why do you have such a list? That’s just sick.”

“No, it’s not. I can’t possibly keep all of those in mind. There is so much that sounds like I might enjoy it.”

Merlin shook his head. Of course Gwaine would be focused on his own pleasure rather than anyone else’s. “Okay, that’s enough. I am not talking about sexual fantasies or erotic desires with someone I don’t know that well and more importantly only for such a short time.”

“We can always get to know each other in a manner of more intimacy. You just have to say it.”

Merlin threw his hands up in exasperation. “Are you even studying anything or just going on dates and having affairs and one-night stands?”

“I am actually studying,” Gwaine voiced with indignation. “Leon and Arthur can confirm that.”

“So, you’re also studying business? What is it about that subject that makes you all so enthusiastic about it?”

“I think the other two are honestly interested in starting their own businesses some time or in Arthur’s case rather working for his father’s before replacing him. For me studying mainly represents the opportunity to have sex with as many different people as possible. And as Leon and Arthur are so good at it anyway, they help me with the exams and presentations.”

“You make studying sound like a walk in the park. Don’t let my sister hear that. She already thinks I’m just wasting my time here and that I should start doing something. I don’t know what she thinks I can do without the right education. I mean even with it I am not going to change the world by being mechanic or something.”

When Merlin looked up from his drink he saw a glint in Gwaine’s eye that made him feel uneasy.

“Why,” Gwaine drawled. “You never mentioned you had a sister.”

“Oh no, Gwaine, you are not going to shag her. Ever. She’s too young for you.”

“How old is she then? Age is not the defining feature of a woman, Merlin.”

“She’s seventeen,” Merlin answered reluctantly. “I don’t want her to be disturbed, unable to find a man and have healthy relationships. So keep your hands off her.”

Gwaine lifted his hands in surrender. “Alright, calm down, Merlin. I am not going to spoil your sister. Seventeen is a tad too young indeed. My lovers should be eighteen at least.”

“That doesn’t exactly reassure me.” But Merlin knew he couldn’t do anything to prevent Gwaine from charming his sister. It was only good that Freya was at home in Ealdor and except for a few visits there wouldn’t be any opportunity for Gwaine to even try to meet her.

They stayed until their glasses were empty. Merlin was tired from a stressful day at the library and wanted to finally fall into his bed. Gwaine however had other plans and Merlin just left him to it. When they were saying goodbye, Merlin remembered something that he was not sure he had understood perfectly well, a suspicion he had had for the rest of their conversation.

“That list of sexual fantasies actually exists, doesn’t it?” Merlin asked apprehensively.

“Of course – everyone should have one. We’ll make one for you, too,” Gwaine answered and winked at him.

° - ° - °

Friday rolled around quicker than Merlin would have thought. The texts he had to read for his lectures became not only longer but also more complex and just having a quick look at them was barely sufficient anymore. When Merlin came home from the library he did not think it a good idea to go out partying. As he was sitting pressed between Morgana and Lance one hour later, Gwen had obviously convinced him of the contrary.

“I’m buying the first round,” Morgana announced and there was something in her eyes that made Merlin feel uneasy.

“Oh, I know that smile,” Mithian groaned. “She wants to get all of us totally pissed so she can take photos and put them on Facebook.”

Morgana shouted for Leon and Lance to help her with the glasses. One pint with cider was set down in front of everyone. Morgana clapped gleefully and announced the rules of the game.

“It’s easy, really. The two sides on the table represent two teams. In every team one starts to drink his or her cider as fast as possible. When the glass is empty, it has to be set down on the table and as soon as it hits the surface the next team member can start drinking. First to finish is the winning team. The losing team has to pay the next round. Any questions?”

Gwaine and Mithian were sitting at the heads of the table and were each assigned to a team. Without any further discussions, Morgana started the game. In Merlin’s team Mithian was the one to start. She was surprisingly good. Merlin would not have thought her a fast drinker but she proved the opposite. Gwaine on the other side was only a few seconds faster as he nodded to Percy to take his glass. He was just as fast as the other two had been but on Merlin’s team Lance was still struggling with the last third of his pint as Elena took over from Percy. She owned herself a whistling from Gwaine as she downed her cider without any problems. As she had reached half of hers, Lance finished his drink and it was Merlin’s turn.

At first it went well. The alcohol was not that notable and the cider was tasty. But soon Merlin became aware of the alcohol having effects. He began feeling a little light-headed and with the last gulps a very low buzz dominated his thoughts. His teammates had cheered for him but as he looked to Morgana quickly beginning to down her pint, he realised that in the time it had taken him to finish his cider, Elena had finished hers and Arthur had emptied his. Gwen was the last on the opposing team and the first in it who had problems with the fast drinking. Next to her Arthur encouraged her but Morgana was making up time Merlin had lost and when Gwen only had a third left, Leon started his pint.

But Leon was not nearly as fast as his girlfriend which led to Merlin’s team losing by two gulps. Gwen swore she hated this drinking game and that she never wanted to play it again. The ones where people had to take of their clothes were much more fun than these get-everyone-drunk-really-fast ones.

“But it’s the first proper night out for Merlin. He needs to learn how to cope when being completely sloshed and how to deal with the consequences the morning after,” Morgana helpfully supplied.

“What about these drinks the losing team has to pay for?” Gwaine asked and Mithian and Leon went to get another round of cider.

“Percy, did you already do the readings for next week?”

Merlin turned to look at Elena. Percy shook his head, making a small smile appear on Elena’s face.

“How about meeting tomorrow afternoon at the library?”

“That’s actually a great idea. It’s easier to read when you are actually forced to do it because you meet up for it, right?”

“Yeah, right,” Elena nodded, not taking her eyes off Percy. Merlin wandered whether she could be any more obvious. “And when we’re done, we could drink some coffee as a reward.”

“The coffee at the Queen of Hearts is very good,” Mithian interjected. “That’s the place Gwen works at.”

Percy turned his head towards her. “Thanks. It’s also close to uni, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Lance and I recently went there. The pie’s delicious as well,” Merlin added.

“Oh, Merlin. Do you want to come as well?”

Merlin was a bit irritated by Percy’s question. Had he not realised that Elena was basically asking him out on a date? Even now there was affection visible in her face, mixed with hurt.

“No, you two go alone. I’ve already read the texts.” It was a lie. He had not even printed them out yet.

Elena sent him a grateful smile that Merlin answered with a wink.

“Alright guys, time for the next drinking game. Does everyone still have enough alcohol? Gwaine, Elena your glasses look too empty and I know Gwaine will need a lot of alcohol for the next game. Go get yourselves some drinks.”

As they came back to the table, Gwaine grinned happily. “We’re going to play ‘Never have I ever, right?”

Morgana nodded.

“Yes,” Gwaine exclaimed, punching the air. “I love that game. So much you get to know about your friends.”

“I hate that game,” Lance said miserably. “There are some things even your friends aren’t supposed to know.” Merlin did not miss the quick glance across the table that Lance gave Gwen.

“Oh, shut it, Lance. You don’t have to announce the love of your life and bare your soul in front of us. We just want to know some dirty details. Everyone know how this works?”

They all nodded.

“Great,” Morgana looked excited like a little girl on Christmas Eve – just like Gwaine. “I have to direct your attention to some special rules however. If there is no one drinking, the person having stated the sentence must drink and if only one person drinks, he or she must give us an elaborate account of the event that forced them to drink. All clear? Good, Gwaine you start.”

“Never have I ever had sex with the same sex.”

Nobody except Merlin, Morgana and Arthur drank.

“Oh princess, how did that come about?”

“Sorry Gwaine,” Arthur answered. “That’s not a story I’m going to tell. Especially not you.”

Merlin was just as disappointed as Gwaine looked. He would have liked to hear with what man Arthur had had sex. It seemed a bit unlikely to be true.

“Never have I ever made a sex tape,” Percy continued to which Morgana and Gwaine raised their glasses.

“Oh my God, Morgana, I don’t even want to know any more about that, let alone ever – you hear me – see so much as a still from that video.” Arthur’s face showed as much disgust as Merlin thought was appropriate for someone finding out about the sexual activities of a sibling.

“I’ll better quickly continue,” Elena giggled. “Before Arthur gets carried away. Never have I ever woken up to someone’s head between my legs.”

“That’s a shame. It’s one of the best ways to wake up,” Gwaine winked at them and took another sip, along with Leon, Morgana, Merlin, Gwen and Percy. At the latter Elena blushed slightly and cast her eyes downwards at her hands. Merlin also noticed Gwen quickly glancing across the table towards Lance. But when Merlin turned his head Lance was focused on Arthur who was next.

“Let’s see... Never have I ever done it against the wall.”

“You’re not missing out on much, mate,” Merlin said as he took a gulp of his cider. “It’s really not that great, mainly consists of spending a far too long amount of time trying to figure out the logistics.”

“Don’t listen to him. If you know what to do and how to do it, it can be quite intense,” Mithian commented with a secretive smile as she also drank from her glass.

“Yes Merlin, you probably had too long arms and legs that just couldn’t be arranged,” Arthur snorted.

“Who said I was the one being pressed into the wall?” Merlin’s retort caused Arthur’s cheeks to turn a lovely shade of red. Morgana burst into a peal of laughter.

“Merlin, we’re slowly getting to the point where I want you to be. Take another sip, will you? Gwen, it’s your turn.”

“Ehm okay. Never have I ever not remembered how I got home.”

Arthur was the only one to take a sip from his drink.

“Oh finally! Details!” Mithian exclaimed excitedly. “Spill!”

“Well, the last thing I remember is being in a bar, drinking tequila with my lovely sister and leaving with a blonde woman. The next morning I was lying at home in my own bed, alone. So before you ask: no, I don’t know whether we did it. Luckily I haven’t seen her since.”

“Okay, that’s a boring story,” Gwaine sounded more than disappointed.

“Maybe the next will be more interesting,” Mithian smiled at Gwaine. “Never have I ever had sex on the beach – the act, not the drink.”

To everyone’s surprise Lance was the only one to drink.

“There’s not much to tell,” Lance said as all the others stared expectantly at him. “It was a summer romance in the south of France.”

“Wow, that’s cliché,” Leon commented.

Gwen seemed to be of a different opinion, however. “I think that sounds very romantic.”

Lance blushed. “It wasn’t during the sun set or anything like that. We stole away at two o’clock in the morning so no one would be there.”

“Is it true that you end up getting grains of sand everywhere?” Gwaine asked, sounding as if he was honestly interested in the answer and not taking the piss.

Lance still shot him an irritated flare. “Er, yes. But you’re close to the water, so that’s not really a problem? So, never have I ever paid someone for sex.”

No one reached out for their glass, so Lance had to take a sip himself. Now, it was Merlin’s turn.

“Never have I ever given someone a lap dance.”

“You haven’t?” Gwaine asked as he gulped down some of his cider. “I can teach you. I’m almost certain that you would look very sexy – pouting and smiling suggestively.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Merlin answered, deliberately sticking out his lower lip and casting Gwaine a look from beneath his eyelashes.

“Fuck,” Percy muttered who had also drunken. “You’re really good at this.”

As Merlin smiled sheepishly into the round he saw Morgana drink too, before saying “Never have I ever had sex with my clothes on. And I do imagine it pretty difficult for a woman.”

Merlin thought he saw all the men drinking while all the women rolled their eyes.

“Morgana we know better from you. Usually you’re the one with the filthiest ones,” Mithian genuinely sounded disappointed. “There are so many dirty details I want to know about the people on this table.”

“Well, I don’t,” Leon said. “So mine will be boring. Never have I ever fantasised about a friend’s partner.”

Everyone drank.

“Of course one thinks about other people in bed. It naturally pops up,” Gwaine said as if not understanding the point of the statement.

Next to Merlin, Lance squirmed uncomfortably. “Do we have to play another round of this?”

According to Morgana they did. After five further rounds of discovering opinions on every possible position and fetish even Gwaine had enough.

“That’s it. I’m going to chat up that blonde over there and try some of the things I heard about today. See you all at uni. And keep handing Merlin alcoholic drinks. He still hasn’t had enough.”

Merlin protested but Gwaine was already approaching the woman he had pointed at. Five minutes later they left together, Gwaine winking at their table one last time.

Lance and Merlin got up to get another round of loser-cider. As they sat down at the table again, Gwen and Arthur were kissing the living daylights out of each other. The sight closely resembled a teenage couple and was disgusting to watch. Clearly Merlin was not the only one thinking that.

“Ew, Arthur. Either start snogging like adults or get a room. That looks abominable. I’m embarrassed to admit that we are related.”

“Shut up, Morgana,” Arthur forced out between kisses.

“I think that’s our cue to go.” Morgana stood up and took Leon by the arm. “Time to do it like proper adults. Merlin, please keep the drinking up. Mithian will tell me if you weren’t totally pissed.”

Merlin was sure he was already too deep in his cups and dreaded getting up later and realise he was even more drunk than he had thought.

With Leon and Morgana gone and Arthur and Gwen occupied, Lance was the first option to turn to for making conversation. As Merlin turned his head however, he had to discover that Lance was talking to Mithian. It was obviously an attempt to avoid having to watch Arthur licking into Gwen’s mouth. Merlin felt pity for Lance and whispered into his ear, “Don’t worry. You look very delicious, too.”

Lance threw a miserable glance at the couple that had now starting groping at each other before turning his attention to Merlin.

“That doesn’t exactly – ” Suddenly he stopped mid-sentence, his hurt expression changing into a frown. “You really are very drunk, aren’t you, Merlin?”

Merlin nodded eagerly which caused his head to spin a tad more. “I’m just going to the restroom. Be back in a tick.” Merlin got up and tried to walk in a straight line towards the doors at the back of the pub.

When he was on his way back to their table again a young man stepped into his way.

“Hey,” he said nervously. “Can I get you a drink?”

Merlin let his eyes travel over the man. He was shorter than Merlin by a few inches but his shoulders were broader. His hair was dark and his eyes green. Although his ears were slightly sticking out, Merlin thought he was not half as bad on the second glance even though he looked extremely young.

“No thanks. I’ve still got something.” Talking was an effort. Thinking and moving his tongue was more difficult, as if something was blocking him. “And I’m pretty sure that’s going to be my last one.”

“Too bad.” The man sounded heartbroken and Merlin could not help but stop him with an arm on his shoulder.

“I’m Merlin. What’s your name?”

A small, shy smile played on the stranger’s lips. “Gilli.” There was something so honest in his eyes that intrigued Merlin.

“Want to join us at our table?”

“Sure,” Gilli replied, obviously feeling more confident again.

Merlin introduced him to the others which only owned him sly glances from Mithian.

“Is that the one you’re going home with tonight?” she asked.

“No,” Merlin said and saw Gilli’s shoulders sag. “I’m taking him home with me,” Merlin announced proudly and maybe a bit too loud.

“Really?” Hope was audible in Gilli’s voice.

“Well if you want to, obviously. I mean I just got the impression that – ”

Gilli nodded eagerly like a puppy.

“Let’s call it a night then,” Arthur said from the other side of the table.

And so Lance, Gwen, Arthur, Merlin and Gilli said their goodbyes and left the other three at the pub.

There was not much talk on the walk home, everyone occupied with their own thoughts. But when they entered the apartment and Lance had quickly dashed into his room, Arthur teased Merlin.

“Have fun,” he winked. “And please keep the noise down.”

Merlin giggled uncontrolled. “You don’t get to say anything on ‘keeping it down’. I heard you and Gwen the other night – and that was more than I wanted to know from you.”

“Well that only proves how good I was.”

“Oh please, don’t give me that. You are not a sex god, no matter what you say.”

“And you are?”

Gwen tried to step in. “Guys, can you please stop that?”

But Merlin had a point to prove. Arthur needed to be rebuked. “I’m not one either but I promise you I can do things with my tongue around your cock that would make you lose your mind. And I am going to show Gilli here just what I mean.”

“Oh God, yes please,” Gilli whispered.

As Merlin turned around he saw the man’s eyes were blown wide with arousal and with one last challenging glance at Arthur, he gripped him by his jacket and dragged him into his room, ignoring any protest Arthur may have voiced.

After quickly stepping out of their clothes, they fell into bed and Merlin soon closed his lips on Gilli’s mouth.

° - ° - °

Morgana was evil.

It was the first thing that came to Merlin’s mind after he had opened his eyes the next morning. Still not quite able to cope with the uneasy feeling in his stomach and the throbbing in his head, he tried to get up. It was no use. The walls around him seemed to tilt in the light that was shining through the shutters. He closed his eyes again and tried to rearrange the memories from the previous night in his head.

Merlin remembered the pub, the drinking games, Lance’s heart-broken face that resembled Elena’s, the walk home with his flatmates and Gilli – Gilli. Merlin extended his arms and patted the sheets to his sides. No warm body was lying next to him, ready for Merlin to snuggle into. Admittedly, Merlin had tried his best to convey to Gilli that what had happened between them was something with no strings attached.

Now that he thought about it, the sex had been pretty good. Maybe Merlin should keep Gilli in mind for future enjoyment. Still, it was strange to find him gone now when it had been Gilli who had obviously been hoping for them to become more.

Merlin turned onto his side and saw a note lying on his bedside table.

Sorry, have to be at work at 10. Thanks for last night. Gilli.

As Merlin slowly tried to sit up he was glad that he did not have anything to do this Saturday. All he felt capable of was lying in bed. According to the stomach rumbles, his body wanted food. Although Merlin was not sure eating would be the best course of action, he swung his feet out of bed and spent an embarrassingly long amount of time searching for a pair of boxer shorts and a faded grey t-shirt. Finally, he stepped into the kitchen and glanced warily at the clock. 1 pm.

Approaching the refrigerator, Merlin was not even sure what he wanted to eat or was capable of making in this state. Maybe starting with some tab water was a good idea – it usually helped to get rid of the remaining alcohol faster. He opened the cupboard and reached for a glass. Unfortunately his grip on it was not strong enough and it slipped through his fingers, crashing on the ground.

“Shit,” Merlin muttered, bending down to pick up the bigger shards.

Just as he wanted to get up and dispose of them, Merlin heard a door open and footsteps approaching. He turned his head and saw Arthur enter the kitchen. He looked just as always, dressed in jeans and a red jersey over a white t-shirt. But there were faint dark circles and his hair was more tousled than usually. As he saw Merlin on the ground next to the broken glass, he quickly knelt down next to him and took the shards out of Merlin’s hands.

“Idiot.”

Merlin flinched. The four of them shared the crockery and cutlery, and most of it had already been there when Merlin had moved in.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, lowering his head.

“I’m not angry because you broke the glass, Merlin. We have plenty of mugs and cups to drink from. I just don’t understand how you can be so clumsy.” It was not meant as a direct insult. Even if it sounded like one, Merlin had the feeling of being teased, not berated.

“Well you try getting some tab water when every time you turn your head the world starts spinning and you feel like throwing up.”

Arthur threw him a concerned look that took Merlin by surprise.

“Sit down at the table,” Arthur said in a gentle voice. “I’ll get you some water. Do you want to eat anything?”

Merlin nodded, avoiding Arthur’s gaze as he got up and walked towards the table.

Arthur sent him a small smile as he set a filled glass down in front of him.

“Does that guy from last night want anything, too?”

“Erm no.” Merlin gulped down half of the water as a distraction from the mortification of having to talk about his one-night stand with Arthur. “He’s already left.”

Arthur did not comment on that but turned to the refrigerator and got some ingredients out of it.

“Do toast, scrambled eggs and bacon sound good?”

Merlin’s stomach answered with another rumbling that Arthur answered with a laughter that was so carefree that it made a small smile appear on Merlin’s lips in answer. They stayed silent while Arthur cooked and the mere smell of the bacon sizzling in the pan made Merlin feel better, more awake. When Arthur started loading the food onto plates, Merlin asked, “Should I go get Gwen and Lance?”

“No, they’re not here. Gwen’s at work and Lance left two hours ago. He didn’t say where, I just heard him leave.” Arthur set his own plate opposite Merlin’s but before he sat down he refilled Merlin’s glass.

Merlin thanked him and they started eating in silence. Through the meal Arthur was very attentive, always making sure Merlin had something to drink.

“Do you need a pill for your headache?” Arthur asked after some minutes.

“No thanks. The food’s already helping. I’m honestly indebted to you for that breakfast – ”

“Lunch.”

“Whatever, for the food. How will I ever be able to repay you for that?” Merlin asked mock-adoringly.

“Just be a tad quieter next time you enjoy yourself with someone, will you?”

Merlin felt heat rising in his cheeks. Arthur chuckled in a far too satisfied manner. But when he spoke again he sounded uncomfortable. “You two were rather vocal.”

Moments from the previous night flashed in Merlin’s mind. Gilli’s moans as Merlin entered him, Merlin’s own ones as Gilli’s arms pulled him closer, deeper.

“Yes well…” Merlin did not know what to say to that.

“Followed your friend’s advice, huh? Enjoying the student life.” The wink Arthur gave him did not match his usual confidence, it made him look nervous.

Merlin wondered why. Sure he had been uncomfortable too when he had heard Gwen and Arthur but that had more to do with Merlin getting aroused by Arthur’s moans than the fact that they did it next to his room. The latter was just to be expected. After all, they were a couple.

° - ° - °

“Where’s Percy?” Merlin asked as he sat down next to Elena the following Tuesday. He hoped they had not fought on their day at the library. But Merlin did not spot him anywhere else in the lecture hall.

“He missed his bus,” Elena replied angrily.

“Well, that happens, doesn’t it?” Merlin was confused.

“Yes, it does.” Elena heaved a sigh. “My anger is not directed at the fact that he’s running late.”

“It’s about last Friday,” Merlin stated.

Elena buried her head in her arms that were folded on the table surface in front of her. “It was horrible after you went home. With only Mithian, Percy and me left it was just awkward and unpleasant.”

“Why exactly?” Merlin could imagine what Elena’s answer was going to be. It was a similar situation to the one Gwen, Arthur and Lance found themselves in, just with less history between the different parties. But that did not limit the potential for conflict.

“He only tried to talk to her and kept on ignoring me. I mean she is not that much prettier than me. It’s not fair, I met him first.”

“You know that’s not how it works, Elena.”

“And then,” Elena raged on, “she was the only thing he could talk about during our date. That’s just rude, talking about another woman on a date.”

“It wasn’t a date,” Merlin tried to explain in a soft voice. “He didn’t even realise it was intended to be one. Percy even invited me to come along, as you very well remember.”

“That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.”

“I hadn’t meant to imply that. I only want to warn you not to expect too much from him.”

Elena nodded sadly.

Merlin felt bad for making her look like that but the sooner Elena understood that Percy was probably never going to see her as more than a friend, the better.

“Is it because I – ”

“No, don’t even start like that. It is not about a direct comparison between you and Mithian. It’s more like a question whether you’re more into vanilla or chocolate ice cream.”

“You’re talking about ice cream at 10 in the morning? In Autumn?” Percy plopped down next to Merlin and Elena. The latter turned her attention to the lecturer even though he had not started yet.

“Oh, I was just telling Elena about that ice cream parlour I walked past last week. It’s crazy, right? Who’d want ice cream when we’re quickly approaching winter?”

Percy shook his head in confusion. “Strange. Mithian was actually talking about the fact that there are far too many ice cream parlours here in Camelot. I mean even in summer it is almost impossible to try them all out.”

“Yeah,” Merlin agreed meekly, glancing at Elena from the corner of his eyes. She was gripping her pencil in a tight grip and drawing furious lines on her pad.

When the lecture was almost over, Percy whispered into his ear, “What’s wrong with her?”

“I’m not quite sure. Maybe just a bad day.”

Merlin already hated being caught in the middle. He liked them both and Mithian was nice, too. Merlin decided not to take any sides.

° - ° - °

Merlin had just locked away his bag and his jacket, and was on his way into the proper library when someone called his name. He turned and spotted Gilli at the helpdesk. Feeling slightly awkward, Merlin approached him. One-night stands were not for meeting afterwards.

“Hey,” Merlin waved in greeting. “So, that is where you work?”

“Yes,” Gilli said. “Sorry, I had to leave early last Saturday. It’s not that I didn’t want to stay.”

Merlin wanted to facepalm. “It’s alright. I mean I didn’t expect you to do anything, no strings attached.” He really hoped Gilli would get it this time. Judging from the slightly less bright smile on Gilli’s face, he did.

Merlin needed to make something clear. That was something he felt he owed the young man.

“It was nice – spending time with you – but I don’t see us having a long-term relationship.”

Gilli nodded in understanding. “Well,” he sighed, “if you ever feel like having fun again or drinking something, call me.” At that Gilli pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Merlin. It was crinkled and a number was written on it. Merlin put it into his pocket.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Merlin flashed a small smile and continued his walk into the library. He would not take Gilli’s offer. Merlin was sure of that. Enough had been damaged by Merlin’s selfish behaviour. Sleeping with Gilli again would point into the wrong way.

° - ° - °

The rest of the week Merlin hid himself at the library, avoiding Gilli’s gazes whenever he entered the building. Only when Leon came over the following Friday did he properly meet with friends again. Arthur had a presentation with Leon to prepare and therefore the two of them occupied Gwen’s room. Morgana accompanied Leon and so she, Gwen and Merlin put on the kettle for some tea. Gwen was just telling Morgana about the noises Merlin and Gilli had made.

“It was entirely your fault.” Merlin pointed an accusing finger at Morgana. “You made me drunk and now I broke Gilli’s heart.”

“Who broke a heart?” Lance’s head appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Ouh Lance, come and join us,” Gwen exclaimed excitedly. “I’m sure you heard Merlin’s moans as well.”

Lance’s eyes widened and he blushed. “I actually did. Sorry mate, but there was no one I wouldn’t hear it. Although I have to say that I’m not sure which one of you was so vocal.”

“Both of them were,” Gwen winked. “Gilli was very clear he wanted more, Merlin, more and Merlin was telling Gilli how good he felt inside.”

Merlin wished the ground would open up and swallow him. “That is not fair. You made me drunk. And seeing the time that has passed since I last enjoyed myself I think it was only fair that – ”

“But Merlin if you want cock to suck, you just have to tell us.”

Merlin’s train of thought stopped right there. After the few weeks he had spent in Camelot he still was not used to Morgana using such crass language.

“Most likely I will regret asking this but why should I tell you? And I’m assuming you mean Gwen and yourself, not Lance.”

Lance vehemently shook his head in protest.

“We know all the gay clubs and bars here,” Gwen explained. “Those are the perfect locations to party and get drunk without anyone trying to get into your pants – as a woman naturally.”

“Plus, it’s fun to watch all those men grinding against each other when they’re all sweaty and clearly gagging for it.”

Of course Arthur and Leon chose that moment to enter the kitchen.

“Men grinding against each other? Lance, are you sure this is a conversation you want to participate in?” Arthur questioned, raising a mocking eyebrow.

“Definitely not.”

“Why is my girlfriend talking about gay clubs?” Leon asked as he kissed Morgana tenderly on the forehead.

“We’re offering Merlin to help him find a substitute for Gilli,” Gwen explained cheerily.

“And I’m telling you I am not looking for one,” Merlin managed between clenched teeth.

“What’s wrong with Gilli?” Arthur asked as he took out another three mugs and poured tea into them.

“Nothing, I just don’t see us in a solid relationship. And this mere physical contact will give him the wrong ideas if it continues.”

“So you’re looking for someone you can settle down with?” Gwen asked empathetically.

Merlin just nodded.

“It is possible to find someone permanent in a gay bar,” Morgana added.

“Fine, I agree to be dragged into a gay establishment by you two before the semester ends. Satisfied?”

“Very.” Gwen clapped her hands together.

Merlin thought that the awkward part of the conversation had been dealt with then but Leon asked, “What about you Lance? You’re still searching for someone, too, right?”

Chancing a glance at Lance, Merlin knew the answer. Lance had already found his love, she just did not see him as hers. Gwen was avoiding looking into his direction and she put her had on Arthur’s thigh.

Lance swallowed audibly. “I think I’m too busy for having a girlfriend at the moment. So, you don’t need to find anyone to set me up with. Better focus on Merlin, there.”

“Oh no, I am not the one who needs help with matters of love. Percy’s got far worse problems.”

“Why is that?” Arthur wanted to know. “I thought he and Mithian got on quite well.”

“Yes.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “But Elena’s also fallen head over heels in love with him. Which he doesn’t even seem to realise.”

“Should we tell him?” Leon contemplated.

They sat in silence for a while.

“I don’t think that would be wise,” Gwen finally said. “He has made his choice. Even if you want him to be with Elena, Merlin, you can’t alter his decision.”

“That was not what I meant. It’s just that Elena needs to hear it straight from his mouth that he is not interested in her. Otherwise she will be pining forever.”

“Who says her feelings would change if she knew he didn’t love her back?”

Merlin turned to Lance with a pained and – as he hoped – apologising expression. “I think for Elena it would be the best solution. I don’t even know whether she’s really fallen that hard for him or whether it’s just because he happened to be the first guy here at uni that she set her eyes on. Maybe she needs to pay more attention to her surroundings to notice others who will be able to love her back.”

Merlin hoped it had become clear that he was only thinking this with regard to Elena, not Lance.

° - ° - °

“Do you really think it helps getting over someone if you turn your attention towards other people?”

Arthur and Merlin were on their way back from the market, carrier bags full of fruits and vegetables.

Merlin shrugged. “I think it would help in Elena’s case. Why do you ask? Everything alright between Gwen and you?”

Arthur frowned. “I’m not sure. Sometimes she seems a bit absent. Yesterday after Leon and Morgana had left for example. I’m wondering whether I’m missing anything.”

“Missing anything?”

“Maybe I’m imagining things. It’s only that at times I don’t feel like I am being my best around Gwen. Like something’s absent.”

Merlin thought about how he had felt after the sex with Gilli. It had been good but he had not felt like his world had been turned upside down. He did not share this thought with Arthur. After all, comparing his relationship with Gilli to the one Gwen and Arthur had, was not adequate.

“Maybe doubts are only natural after some time of being together. Especially if a couple sees each other every day because they live together.”

“But shouldn’t I still be having all these feelings like on the first day?”

“No,” Merlin answered determinedly. “Relationships evolve with every shared moment. No feeling stays the same over time. Either it intensifies or it weakens but it is not constant.”

“Hm…”

Merlin practically saw the thoughts chasing each other behind Arthur’s eyes.

“Hey, there is something I have been asking myself for some weeks now. What exactly does Morgana study?”

The frown on Arthur’s face was immediately replaced by an uncontrolled laugh. “She’s studying English.”

“Please tell me she doesn’t want to become a teacher. I do not want that woman released on my children.”

“No, don’t worry. I think she wants to focus on medieval studies. She will probably get her master’s degree in that subfield and spend the rest of her life researching and writing articles and all that.”

“Oh, that’s better. At least she’ll have to mostly work on her own there. So no too high chances of her disturbing anyone.”

“I’d be careful to say that. Even in such an academic field, I’m sure Morgana would find ways to shock people.”

Merlin had to admit he agreed.

° - ° - °

Their next get-together was on another Saturday one week later. Everyone from the pub night was cramped into the flat except Percy. He had gone home to his parents for the weekend. Merlin had not yet found out whether Elena was glad of his absence due to Mithian’s presence or whether she was missing him.

They were all grouped around the table in the kitchen. Only Morgana was sitting on the worktop, her feet dangling in the air. Leon stood between them, his arms wrapped around his girlfriend’s waist. They only parted in order to take a sip of their drinks from time to time. Apart from that they stayed wrapped around each other, whispering things into the respective other’s ear.

“What’s the matter with them?” Merlin whispered to Mithian to his right. It was not that their closeness or evident affection bothered him. Morgana just did not seem the person for quiet conversations and subdued shows of tenderness.

“It’s Morgana’s way of apologising and Leon expressing his forgiveness.”

“They had a fight?”

Merlin had not seen either of them for some days but he also had not heard Gwen or Arthur mention anything.

“It was just about a small incident. I think Morgana said something about not wanting to go visit Leon’s parents next weekend. Leon’s usually used to her acting like that but this time she either voiced it that bit too rejecting or there was more of that behaviour over the course of the last days.”

“But now they’re fine again?”

“They’re a couple. They know each other. I honestly think they’re good for each other, rather than destructive as some think. Leon’s teaching her what it means to trust and open up to others.”

“What do you mean with that?”

Mithian quickly glanced in Morgana’s direction before answering. “Morgana’s mother died when she was five. Apparently she hadn’t been the most considerate mother. Her boyfriend Cenred drank rather a lot of alcohol and didn’t always treat Morgana correctly. Human behaviour as she experienced it in those first five years of her life still influences her reactions to others today.”

“I see.” Merlin felt a surge of compassion for Morgana. He had been raised as a member of a loving family with his parents and his sister. The most severe conflict had not even been Merlin’s outing but a bad grade he had once brought home or a night spent at a friend’s without informing his parents of it.

Mithian gave him an apologetic smile. “Not exactly the brightest topic, sorry.”

“I asked, so you didn’t really have a chance,” Merlin shrugged good-humouredly.

Elena shot him an angry look across the table. She could not possibly have heard what they were talking about but Merlin understood that seeing someone’s friend amusing themselves with the woman who caused your heartache was not acceptable. For the moment he ignored Elena. Their friendship had to be strong enough to survive this little moment.

“Listen Mithian, this is going to sound strange but... Do you have a boyfriend at the moment?”

“What?” The heartfelt laughter from Mithian’s lips made Merlin feel relieved. Nothing would have been more horrible than holding this conversation in an awkward atmosphere.

“He’s probably going to kill me for saying it but I think Percy fancies you. He has been talking about you an awful lot since that night at the pub. And as I have really come to like him I don’t want him to get hurt. So I am asking you: are you interested in him as well?” Alright maybe Merlin did feel uncomfortable. It really was not his place to ask Mithian this. But he also wanted his new friends to be happy with and around each other. And there was simply no room for stupid love triangles that made life more complicated than it already was.

Mithian looked down at her tangled hands in her lap. It made her look oddly shy and not as confident as Merlin had got to know her. Like this she was much more like Gwen than Morgana. “I erm... Merlin, please believe me when I say I do not want to cause trouble among our little group. I like all of you.”

The tone in Mithian’s voice made Merlin suspicious. He arched an eyebrow like his Uncle Gaius always did. “But?”

“I’m not stupid.” Merlin was surprised by the disguised anger in her voice that stood in stark contrast to the still sweet looking smile on her lips. “I do like Percy. I mean he’s gorgeous and his smile is so sweet that it makes you forget about all those muscles and you just find yourself thinking ‘He’s a great guy, I want to get to know him better’.”

Merlin thought that actually sounded perfect, like Mithian and Percy had a real chance to become a couple. He did not see the problem.

“But at the same time I see the way Elena looks at him and I find myself wondering whether she would be better for him.”

“Better in what way? You’re both beautiful and intelligent young women.”

Mithian giggled and quickly brushed her lips over Merlin’s cheekbone in a chaste kiss. “Thank you, Merlin. No, it’s not about who we are, I’m more concerned about how we feel. You see, the way Elena looks at him – he means the world to her, already. But what I can offer at the moment is a mere chance of a relationship with him. And I’m not sure whether that’s enough for him.”

“He wants you,” Merlin said firmly. “To be perfectly honest I don’t know exactly where he wants to head with this but isn’t that what’s so exciting about a relationship? Jumping into the deep end and finding out where you want to go from there, where it takes you to.”

“And what about Elena? I don’t want to ruin her chance of love just because I have a feeling I might like Percy.”

“I think she would be in the same place now even if you weren’t here. Percy doesn’t see her in that way.”

“But does she know that?”

“I’m going to talk to her, alright. Just not right now, soon.”

Mithian nodded. “Do you want some more wine, too?”

“Yes, thank you.” Merlin turned his face into Elena’s direction again as Mithian got up. She was staring at the table in front of her, not listening to any conversation around her. Merlin wondered if maybe he had got it all wrong. What if Elena and Percy could become a couple and it was him that was ruining it? He was not exactly the expert either. His university experience of sex consisted of an ill advised one-night stand with consequences and getting hard from hearing his flatmates have sex.

Mithian came back with their glasses and just as Merlin decided to sit down next to Elena, Gwaine draped his arm around Elena’s shoulders.

“What’s with your face tonight, honey?”

Elena snorted. “Not any of your business.”

“It actually is. You see this is a party, a happy get-together and it’s supposed to be fun.”

“Well, I’m not having any so leave me alone.” Elena tried to shrug off Gwaine’s arm but he kept placing it on her again.

“I’m not gonna stop until I see you smile,” he announced confidently.

Elena forced the corners of her mouth to form a small smile but Gwaine was not taking it.

“Oh no, I want to see an honest, uncontrolled smile from you.”

Merlin was not sure whether Gwaine’s tactic was doing any good or whether he was worsening the situation.

“And I know exactly how I am going to get that.” Without further ado Gwaine took Elena’s hand and led her out of the kitchen.

Merlin saw his confusion mirrored in everyone’s face. “Is he going to sleep with her? Because I doubt that will make her feel better.”

“I completely agree with you there, Merlin. Someone should go after them.” Gwen said, just as a loud thud was audible from outside.

“Sounds like they’re in your room, Arthur,” Leon observed. “You should go and have a look.”

“It’s Gwen’s room, too,” Arthur quickly replied.

No one wanted to spy on Gwaine going at it with someone else. That was just wrong. Enough details were mentioned in a mere conversation, one did not need additional visual confirmation.

“Okay, I’ll go,” Merlin said in defeat after a few seconds of silence.

It turned out that Gwaine’s usual method of taking someone’s mind off something was not being applicable to Elena’s case. Merlin found them in front of the tall mirror in Gwen’s and Arthur’s room. Gwaine was applying rouge onto his cheekbones, mimicking a kiss with his lips. Next to him Elena was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Merlin was so confused that he stopped in his tracks. “What is going on here?”

“Oh, Merlin,” Elena exclaimed gleefully. “Gwaine is dressing up as a woman. Quick, help me find a skirt or a dress.”

“I think I should better get Gwen as these are her things. She will know which ones she doesn’t intend to wear ever again.” With that he quickly fled from the room and burst into laughter as he entered the kitchen.

“What are they doing?” Arthur asked. “Should I look for clean bed sheets?”

“No, but Gwen, I think you might want to go into your room and save your clothing. Gwaine is currently being transformed into a woman with the help of your make-up.”

Merlin had not even finished his sentence as Gwen sprang to her feet and ran into the hall. Morgana and Mithian followed her without another word.

After what felt like at least an hour they all reappeared with Gwaine dressed in a tight and definitely far too short black skirt. The lipstick, rouge and all that other paint in his face looked horribly in contrast to his beard and Merlin was sure the photos Arthur and Leon took with their phones would soon appear on Facebook. He pitied Gwaine. Elena however seemed to have forgotten all about Percy. She was giggling with Mithian and Gwen as they tried to convince Gwaine to wear women’s underwear.

At one o’clock they still had not made any definite shopping plans but they all agreed it was time for the guests to leave. After saying goodbye to everyone, the four of them quickly cleaned up the kitchen and left for their rooms. As soon as Gwen and Arthur had disappeared, Lance grabbed Merlin’s arm and dragged him into the storage closet at the end of the hall.

“Lance, what are you – ”

Merlin did not get any further as Lance pressed his closed lips to Merlin’s. His front was plastered to Merlin and Merlin could taste alcohol on Lance’s lips. He tried to push him away as far as the small space would allow him to. He fumbled for the light switch but when he did not immediately find it, he began his rant without being able to see Lance’s face.

“What is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?” Merlin whispered angrily.

“I just want to ... ” Lance did not finish the sentence. “Did you see Gwen tonight? The way she practically glowed? And she did not need Arthur for that. I would be way better for her than Arthur and – and I want her to see that. Why won’t she understand that Merlin?”

Merlin wanted to smash Lance’s head against the wall. “Lance, you have got to talk with her. This is something I can’t help you with, none of you. If seeing her with him makes you that miserable then get yourself together and fight for her.” Merlin wanted to leave but then added, “And don’t kiss me again. You’re not gay, you’re heart-broken.” With that he fumbled his way out of the closet and left.

° - ° - °

“Gwen, can I come in?” Merlin was hammering on the door to Gwen’s room. If she did not let him in soon, he would go and get an axe. Merlin might not know where to find one, but he would get that damned door to open. “Gwen!”

“Please tell me no one’s died,” Gwen screamed from inside.

“No, it’s worse. I don’t know what to do. Big or small cards for my notes?”

Gwen finally opened the door and stared at Merlin as if he was an alien.

“Big or small cards?” Merlin pressed.

“What the hell is going on here?” Arthur appeared behind Gwen, only wearing jeans.

“I’ve got a presentation with Elena tomorrow and I might be freaking out.”

“He is freaking out.” Gwen shot him a concerned look. “Merlin, presentations usually don’t even count that much at uni.”

“Take the bigger cards. If you write on the small ones you will need more of them, and being as nervous as you are, you will most likely mix them up.”

“Alright, small cards, easier for order.” Merlin tried to take a deep breath.

“When do you need to hold the presentation?” Gwen asked.

“Tomorrow morning. Luckily, I’m not alone. Elena and I did it together.”

“Tell you what,” Arthur said. “You finish your cards and go through the whole thing until you feel like you roughly know what to say, even without the cards. Don’t practise it more than five times however, that will only make you feel even more anxious. When you did that, we’ll watch some movie and distract you from it, alright?”

Merlin nodded dumbly and turned around to go back to his room.

Two hours later, he went back to knock on Gwen’s door again, only this time without shouting like a maniac.

Arthur opened and Merlin followed him inside. Gwen was lying on their bed and some re-run of Doctor Who was on the TV. She sat up and patted the space next to her for Merlin to sit.

“Put the Rocky Horror Picture Show on, will you Arthur?”

“Oh yes, I love that movie,” Merlin squealed in delight.

After getting some wine and crisps, Arthur settled on Gwen’s other side and they spent the remaining evening shouting slut and asshole at the TV. They even got up to dance the Time Warp Dance before falling over with laughter at how silly all of it had to look.

When the final credits rolled, Merlin turned to smile at Gwen but she was asleep, clutching at Arthur’s arm.

“Is it your first presentation at uni?”

Merlin nodded in answer.

“I promise everything is going to go alright tomorrow. As Gwen said presentations at uni are not a big deal. Want to watch another movie?”

Merlin almost nodded before remembering Gwen lying between them. “Nah, I think I’ll go to bed as well. Elena would be furious if I fell asleep during her part of the presentation. But thanks. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

The small smile did not disappear from Merlin’s face until he had fallen asleep.

° - ° - °

“So, we’re all here, waiting for Percy because?”

Merlin rolled his eyes at Leon. “I told you. Something happened with Mithian and he couldn’t tell me after the seminar because Elena was there as well. And I thought a night out at the pub with the guys would be less obvious.”

He looked around and saw Lance nodding in understanding. Gwaine, Arthur and Leon on the other hand seemed to be less approving. Before he had time to further explain how he did not want to be Percy’s sole source of advice, the tall man joined them at their table.

It did not take long for Percy to spill the whole story. “It was terrible. She saw me on campus and just came up to me and asked me whether I’d like to go on a date with her.”

“And what was your answer?” Leon asked.

“I um ... basically I ran away after mumbling something I don’t quite remember.”

Gwaine burst into laughter and Arthur, too, could not entirely hide his smile behind his beer. It was two weeks since the conversation between Merlin and Mithian and Merlin was surprised it had taken her so long to ask Percy out.

“But I thought you wanted to go out with Mithian.” Merlin was confused.

“I did but now she asked me. Maybe she is too old for me. What if – ”

“Mate,” Arthur interrupted him. “She’s only older than you by a year or two. That’s nothing.”

“I’m not necessarily talking about biological age here. She seems so much more experienced than me.”

“Don’t get your knockers in a twist. Being with an experienced woman has its advantages. Almost only advantages, now that I think of it.”

Merlin told Percy to shut Gwaine out. Why had he even invited him along?

Lance clapped Percy on the shoulder. “There really isn’t any problem. Your behaviour is to some extent understandable – ”

“No, it’s not.”

“Shut up, Merlin. It is understandable. But Percy, if you blend out all these fears you have about failing her in some way, do you want to have a relationship with her?”

Percy nodded gravely and Merlin could see something shining in his eyes that sent a light shiver over his skin. He knew what Mithian was afraid of. This unexpected vulnerability Percy had, was something that could make you less convinced of your own actions.

“Just phone her and say that you do want to go on a date with her. And then you can take it from there,” Arthur said and Merlin was grateful that he did not sound condescending. The last thing Percy would need now was to feel even less worth of getting together with Mithian.

° - ° - °

Whoever was in the bathroom, Merlin was going to kill them. He needed to sit in his seminar in half an hour and he did not plan to go there smelling like he had not showered in days. Merlin was contemplating whether he would be able to batter in the locked door with the help of his waste bin.

“Sorry honey, I’m almost done. Just give me – Merlin?”

Arthur shrieked the last word and Merlin desperately tried to close his eyes. Arthur was standing in the door frame to the bathroom, naked. The smell of aftershave did nothing whatsoever to calm him and Merlin begged to God that Arthur had found a towel to cover himself with, when he opened his eyes again.

“Could you please hurry up? I need to be at uni like now,” Merlin repeated.

“S-Sure,” Arthur stammered. “Just give me two minutes.”

Merlin was glad when the door had shut again and quickly went to wait in his own room.

Finally in the bathroom five minutes later, the first thing Merlin did was strip and step into the shower. He quickly began wetting his hair. When he was almost finished, the image of Arthur’s toned abs and thighs was so prominent in his mind that he knew he could not just leave for university like that. With a sigh he took himself into hand and began stroking himself to completion. The only positive thing beside the guilt was that Arthur would never know how quickly the images in Merlin’s head had pushed him over the edge.

Of course Merlin was late for his seminar.

° - ° - °

“Oh my God, Merlin. Look.” Gwen pointed with her finger to the other end of the cafeteria. “Over there.”

Merlin turned his attention away from the tomato soup that tasted suspiciously faint of tomatoes.

“What am I supposed to see?”

“At the big window. No, the other side. Isn’t that Percy sitting with Mithian?”

“It is,” Merlin muttered.

“So are they dating now?” Gwen asked excitedly.

“Uhm, Percy hasn’t mentioned anything.” Merlin wracked his brain for even the tiniest remark Percy could have made. Nothing.

“Even if they’re not a couple, they are definitely dating, judging from the way they are looking at each other.”

“And you can see that from where you are sitting?”

Gwen blushed at that. “No, but it would be nice. They look sweet together.”

Merlin laughed at that.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Merlin changed their conversation to another topic. “So have you gone and bought Gwaine any tights yet?”

“Unfortunately not, we haven’t decided whether pink or baby blue ones would suit him better. You don’t happen to have any colour suggestions, do you?”

° - ° - °

Merlin had to say he really enjoyed going out to pubs with his new friends. It was not like in school when there had only been parties at someone’s home or at a nearby lake. And as immature as Gwaine’s jokes were, he still managed to be less of a moron than the boys at Merlin’s school. All in all the people at university were so much more interesting, that Merlin wished he would never have to stop studying.

For this Friday evening Merlin did not even know of any special occasion why they were grouped together around their usual table at the back of the Avalon Island. The pub was not very crowded which served them just right. Tonight only five of them had found time to come.

“Where’s Gwen, Arthur?” Morgana asked, clearly not satisfied with the fact that she was the only woman present.

“Mithian and her are studying for some minor exam that their lecturer wants them to write. Apparently he wants to be sure all of his students have read the texts in advance to his lectures.”

“I hate it when they do that,” Leon said. “It’s just so unnecessary.”

“Yeah, reading the texts two weeks prior to the actual exams is normally enough,” Gwaine grinned.

Morgana was not impressed. “Merlin, don’t listen to him. Better read the texts during the semester if you don’t want to spend desperate days without any friends or food at the library.”

When she put it like that Merlin agreed that two hours at the library per week were the better option.

Arthur went to get the first round of cider and Gwaine accompanied him. When they came back each one of them had not only a pint of cider in front of them but also a shot.

“What’s in there?” Merlin asked, not trusting something Gwaine had handed him.

“It’s a Vodka Lemon. Now be a good boy and drink up.”

Somehow Gwaine seemed to be most serious when talking about alcohol and sex. But maybe Merlin only had that impression because he shared no lectures or seminars with Gwaine. The five of them knocked their shots back. It tasted – well it was vodka.

Merlin was glad that Morgana did not seem to insist on playing drinking games this time. It turned out however that he had crowed too soon. There may not have been any drinking games but Merlin had the impression that because of that they were drinking even more than last time.

“Are you holding back, Merlin?” Arthur teased.

“Well just look what good the alcohol did me with Gilli. Tonight I am not committing that mistake again. One cider for the evening is enough.”

“It is when you drink another few rounds of shots,” Leon winked at him and went to get another round of Vodka Lemon shots.

Merlin groaned and buried his head in his hands. “How can you lot drink so much?”

“Years of practice,” Arthur said as he clapped Merlin on the back.

Merlin found himself enjoying the evening more and more. Morgana told them tales of her childhood when she and Arthur had built forts and fought dragons. Even Leon provided them with insight into his childhood. Apparently he had been the victim of bullies until he had grown a considerable bit over the course of one summer holiday. Suddenly the girls had made sheep’s eyes at him and he had been adored.

Morgana moved to sit on his lap then, her arms around his neck. “But now you’re mine. And even though I needed a second glance as well to see you’re the perfect match for me, I’d never want to snuggle up to anyone else at night.” They shared a quick kiss that Gwaine commented on with whistling.

Out of the blue, Morgana turned sad eyes on Merlin and said honestly, “I promise we will find someone for you, too Merlin – someone you can snuggle up to.”

“Oi! What about me?” Gwaine demanded indignantly.

“Oh shut it, you have enough people to rub against,” Arthur replied dismissively.

“That’s not true. I too am lonely.” Gwaine made his lower lip quiver, laid a hand onto his chest and looked at them all with puppy dog eyes. “Merlin, come and sit down on my lap.”

“I told you, Gwaine, I am not going to be your gay sex experience at uni,” Merlin snapped. Just to prove his point, he walked over to Gwaine and flopped down in his lap. For good measure he wriggled his behind a bit. “See? You’re not even getting hard.”

“What a shame,” Morgana exclaimed. “I was already looking forward to teasing you about being a slut for every single person on campus. Oh well ... Maybe Arthur will increase his sexual activities? He’s got the basis for becoming a proper campus slut.”

“Morgana,” Arthur snarled with clenched teeth.

“Is there something we should know about Pendragon?” Gwaine pressed Morgana on the matter until she gave in.

“Arthur’s bisexual. Has been for a long time. Some of the boys he brought over from school or his football club were quite cute to be honest.”

“You’re bisexual?” Merlin turned his full attention to Arthur, forgetting that he was sitting on Gwaine’s thighs. “Does Gwen know?”

“Of course she knows.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume anything.” Merlin bit his bottom lip. Arthur liked men. That simple sentence released a tide of possible future moments between the two of them in Merlin’s head. Without wanting to, Merlin thought about the bits of naked skin he had seen the previous week.

All of a sudden the sound of a scraping chair interrupted Merlin’s train of thought. Morgana and Leon were leaving. When they were gone, Gwaine got them another round of shots.

“Gentlemen, this delicious thing is called Orgasm. I hope it deserves its name.”

Merlin would not say that the alcohol came close to the feeling of sexual release but it certainly tasted good on his tongue.

“So princess, why have you never told us about the fact that you like cock as well?”

For some reason Merlin found it difficult to look at Arthur as he replied.

“I don’t define myself through my sexuality. Some of you might do that but for me a relationship is a relationship, no matter whether my partner is male or female.”

“At least you are in a relationship.”

Merlin’s head turned so fast at the sad tone in Gwaine’s voice that a clunk was audible.

“This sounds like a topic we need some more alcohol for,” Arthur announced and got them more shots.

“What’s it this time?”

“A Screaming Orgasm.” Arthur winked at Merlin. “Now Gwaine, who is causing you heartache?”

“But you mustn’t tell anyone. This stays between the three of us. I mean it. Merlin, no matchmaking.” Gwaine pointed a threatening finger towards him.

All Merlin could do was raise his hands in surrender.

After a heavy sigh Gwaine explained, “It’s about Elena. I feel strange when she looks at me. I want to touch her but not necessarily in the same way I usually want to.”

“You mean not purely sexually,” Arthur said knowingly and his gaze focused on Merlin. “Like you want to be close to her and wrap yourself around her with your body and everything else you have to offer?”

At Arthur’s words a strange kind of heat wanted to burst out of Merlin’s chest. It felt like something inside of him wanted to reach out to Arthur.

“Wow, have you been taking poetry lessons or something?” Gwaine’s comment did not have its usual cheekiness. Instead it sounded like a confession, like he admitted to feeling exactly what Arthur had described.

They downed their shots.

“It’s not fair,” Gwaine said directly to Merlin. “I mean I put on Gwen’s clothes and some of her make-up. Did you ever see me dress in women’s clothing before?” A hysterical laugh escaped him. “And all she does is pine after Percy who doesn’t have feelings for her anyway.”

“Romantic feelings,” Merlin corrected. “He does value her as a friend.”

“Then why won’t she see that? I mean we all realise what is going on between Mithian and Percy. Why does Elena still have to be pining after him?”

Merlin shook his head sadly. “She didn’t choose to fall in love, you know. And neither did you, judging by your frustration. Sometimes we set our eyes on the wrong people.” Merlin met Arthur’s eyes. “But the realisation that they might not want us, doesn’t convince us of turning away.”

° - ° - °

The entry door had closed behind them and Merlin and Arthur each walked towards their respective rooms.

“I …”

Merlin turned around at the sound of Arthur’s voice.

“Do you want to watch a movie? I can offer you Star Wars or The Avengers. Or maybe if you’d like – ”

“Star Wars sounds great.” Merlin smiled at him. “Just let me change into something more comfortable first.”

When Merlin stepped into Arthur’s room, the opening credits were paused and Arthur had set some crisps and wine on the bedside table.

“I put in Return of the Jedi.”

“That’s alright,” Merlin said as he lay down on the side of the bed that was not occupied by Arthur. He was careful to leave more than an arm’s length between them. Merlin had already had alcohol tonight and if they were going to drink wine in this cosy bed side by side, he needed a certain barrier between them – if only an imaginary one.

The first half-hour of the movie was spent silently passing the bowl of crisps between them and sipping wine. From time to time, Merlin felt Arthur’s gaze on him and ignored it. When Arthur whispered his name however, he could not anymore. He turned his head away from Luke on the screen and was taken by surprise at how close Arthur was. Resting on one propped up arm, he was looking down at Merlin. Merlin wanted to sit up to at least have the feeling of being in control but Arthur moved closer until their faces were mere inches apart.

Merlin panted against Arthur’s mouth and felt every puff of air between them. The world seemed to stand still until it came crashing down around Merlin, together with Arthur’s lips sealed against his. Neither of them moved and Merlin’s treacherous hand gently cradled Arthur’s jaw. They spent a few moments with their lips pressed together before Arthur retrieved a bit and inhaled shakily. Within no time his lips were back on Merlin’s skin, scattering lingering kisses on different parts of his face. When these moved to his neck, Arthur shifted his weight, pressing their chests firmly together, and slipped one thigh between Merlin’s legs.

A surprised moan escaped Merlin and he was brought down to earth with a jolt.

“Arthur.” His voice was a hoarse whisper to his own ears. He tried again, more firmly. “Arthur, stop. What are you doing?”

The only reply he received was an impatient “Sh!”.

“What if Gwen walks in on us?” Merlin was surprised that his brain seemed to think this to be his most pressing concern with their current situation.

Arthur sat up, paused the DVD and glanced guiltily at the floor. “She’s not coming back tonight. Said she’d spend it at Mithian’s.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes. “Did you plan this?”

“Not exactly, no. When we left earlier for the pub I just realised that with Gwen gone and Lance being with his parents this week-end, we would be alone tonight.” He made a small pause before he looked at Merlin again. “There’s just something about you. And I need … I need to see how that feels.”

This time it was Merlin who was approaching Arthur. He crawled over to him and slowly pushed him into the softness of the bed with a hand on his chest.

“I know what you mean.” There was also something about Arthur in Merlin’s head that brought reoccurring mental images again and again of Merlin wrapping his arms around Arthur, cuddling on a sofa or fighting over who was to do the washing-up. Merlin imagined having met Arthur under different circumstances, how a possible future could look like – even if it did not get him anywhere.

Merlin straddled Arthur’s thighs and leaned down to open his mouth, sweeping his tongue over Arthur’s lips. Arthur moved his hips in slow circles, thrusting up against Merlin’s groin. His fingers found their way under Merlin’s t-shirt and they took their time undressing each other. When they were both naked, Merlin could not help but stare at Arthur’s toned muscles, again.

“Like what you see?” Arthur teased him, but Merlin did not miss the way his eyes scanned Merlin’s body.

Merlin spent a longer amount of time preparing Arthur with lube than he usually would have but Merlin wanted to be sure that if this was their only time together, Arthur would not regret how it had felt.

When Merlin slipped into him, Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s shoulder, pulling him closer. Starting with a slow pace, Merlin rocked into Arthur. Their mouths were joined together in an uncoordinated mimicry of a kiss, none of them able to focus a large part of their attention on the upper part of their bodies. Arthur’s cock was trapped between their stomachs and every time they moved, Merlin felt it wetly sliding between them, hot to the touch.

The closer they got to their climaxes, the louder their pants grew. Merlin’s skin itched with want and it was difficult not to take his eyes off Arthur. His lips glistened and were bitten raw. His eyes kept focusing on parts of Merlin’s body before quickly going blank again as if the pleasure was distracting him repeatedly.

“Merlin,” Arthur moaned, making Merlin’s skin crawl. “I’m – ”

Merlin did not let him finish his sentence but took Arthur in hand and pushed him over the edge, making him buck of the bed and clench around Merlin. The resulting tightness triggered Merlin’s own orgasm and he collapsed on top of Arthur.

They did not move for several minutes. Merlin’s head rested under Arthur’s jawline where his neck merged into his shoulder. He listened to Arthur’s rapidly beating heart slowing down. Without the heat of their arousal and movements, Merlin soon began to shiver because of the cold. Arthur began tugging the blanket out from under them when he realised but Merlin stopped him.

“I think I should go.”

Arthur nodded and Merlin was frustrated that he was not able to see his face properly. Even lying in his own bed, he wondered what it was they had done. It seemed obvious that this had been a one-off. Arthur would stay in a relationship with Gwen and nothing would change in their dynamics. However a tiny voice in his head reminded Merlin that touching Arthur had felt unlike going through similar movements with Gilli – more intense, like it might have meant something under different circumstances. But that was probably just because Merlin had actually got to know Arthur before sleeping with him.

° - ° - °

Merlin yawned and stretched himself.

Again.

He had been awake for an hour now but did not want to leave his room. Just when he had replayed the previous night’s events in his head, he had moved to get up but then he had heard clattering of cutlery in the kitchen. Merlin dreaded meeting Arthur. He feared every time he would see him, he would think back on their shared pleasure.

At some point however Merlin had to get up and so he forced his legs to carry him into the kitchen. He had barely stepped into the room when he already wanted to turn and run away. Gwen was sitting next to Arthur, having breakfast. Merlin decided to grab a bowl of cereals and eat by himself in his room. Gwen apparently had other ideas.

“Good morning, Merlin. Look, I’ve brought some buns. Take a seat and join us.”

Merlin could not possible reject her without a reasonable excuse, so he took a plate and a knife out of the cupboard and sat down opposite the couple. As horrible as it sounded but Merlin was glad that the exam Gwen was studying for was that difficult. It had the welcome effect of Gwen rambling on about it, her lecturer, her degree course in general and everything even loosely related to that. It gave Merlin the opportunity to glance at Arthur, between looking attentively at her and buttering his bun.

Arthur however was so busy with reading the newspaper that all he did was the occasional approving noise as comment to something Gwen vehemently complained about. Merlin felt he was more bothered by this than if Arthur had had only eyes for Gwen. Seeing Arthur react to neither Gwen nor Merlin was unsettling. How was Merlin supposed to categorise their encounter if he had no information about Arthur’s feelings or at least thoughts at the moment?

° - ° - °

A few days later, things still looked depressing. Merlin was sitting on his usual seat in the lecture – between Elena and Percy. While the former had not moved beyond the stage of furiously scribbling down lines or shapes on her pad, the latter kept whispering wonderful things to Merlin that Mithian had said or done or gotten into contact in any other possible way.

Merlin himself doubted they would ever pass the exams at the end of term. With one lovesick friend and one constantly being on cloud nine while he himself could not stop thinking about his night with Arthur, there was no one left listening to the lecturer.

Arthur’s ignorance had turned into something worse the past days. Around Gwen and their friends he was being his usual self. Only touching Gwen from time to time and sometimes a bit longer. But then there were glances he sent Merlin that were not easy to decipher. He was not staring or throwing smiles that contrasted strongly with others at him – but he was looking at Merlin, really looking. And oddly enough Merlin did not have the feeling of getting undressed by mere looks. Instead they caused his body to ache for Arthur. Merlin’s body wanted him to run across the room and envelope Arthur in his arms, never letting him go again.

And that feeling was something Merlin had not been prepared for.

° - ° - °

The week directly before the exams was a nightmare. Even Morgana was stressed and Merlin saw next to nothing of his new friends. They were all sitting at different places in the library, rereading texts and going through notes of lectures again and again.

One evening when they had decided to study at home. From experience Merlin knew that the usual outcome from that was less focused and productive but the content would not be as dense as at the library, resulting in a somewhat relaxed atmosphere. What particularly Merlin and Lance had not been taking into account however, was the problem of Arthur and Gwen using their sex life as stress relief.

That was how Merlin found himself in Lance’s room. Lance had knocked on his door and asked whether he had time to act as a model. To be honest Merlin was already behind on his learning plan but he had the same problem as Lance. It was impossible to concentrate on any text when he knew what Gwen and Arthur were doing next door. It made Merlin feel sick when he thought of Arthur and himself having sex in the same room, let alone bed.

The noises were less audible in Lance’s room and Lance was obviously grateful for having someone to talk to while paining them.

“Are you painting me just the way I am lying here?” Merlin asked out of honest curiosity. He had simply lain down on top of the covers on Lance’s bed, turning his head to look at Lance.

“No.” Lance shook his head, contemplating which colour to start with. “I have to modify it. The task our lecturer set us is to paint someone from our circle of friends. They should look like themselves, so in other words be recognisable, but at the same time he wants us to portray them how they would have dressed and behaved in another era.”

“Which historical era are you painting me in?” Merlin was not quite able to picture himself during the Stone Age but the idea of being painted as one of the knights during the Middle Ages was something that got him excited like a little child fighting with a wooden sword.

“I think I’m going to transform you into a soldier who’s come back home from World War I and is suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder,” Lance answered, obviously apprehensive of Merlin’s opinion on this take.

Merlin did not quite see why that was something that had come to Lance’s mind but then again the only element linking him to the Middle Ages would have been his name. And that wasn’t even a proper reference.

° - ° - °

Merlin tried to hold back his moans but it was impossible with the way Arthur sucked him off.

“Merlin,” Arthur hissed. “At least try to show some restraint.”

As if Arthur was the one to talk. Only ten minutes earlier, Merlin had been resting on his bed, listening to some music in the hopes of forgetting about his exam the previous day that had not exactly been easy – no surprise there. All of a sudden Arthur had quietly slipped into the room without knocking and practically thrown himself on top of Merlin.

Merlin was still horrified by what was happening. Yes, Gwen was at the library with Morgana but Merlin knew for certain that Lance was home, working on the background of Merlin’s painting. That did not seem to concern Arthur apparently who was swirling his tongue around the head of Merlin’s cock and teasing the slit mercilessly. Hoping to silence himself at least to a level that it was impossible for Lance to hear them, Merlin clamped his hands over his mouth and closed his eyes. The darkness was far more calming than seeing Arthur’s head between his propped up thighs.

It was almost a satisfaction to feel Arthur’s heavy pants on his skin as they were clearly the result of Arthur trying to get his own moans under control. After an embarrassingly short time, Merlin felt his muscles tense and he came down Arthur’s throat. Trusting himself not to be too vocal from that moment on, Merlin opened his eyes. Having taken off his trouser and underwear, Arthur crawled on top of him again and began humping Merlin’s leg. Merlin captured Arthur’s lips in a kiss, tasting himself.

At Arthur uttering a frustrated growl, Merlin brought his hand down to wrap around Arthur. This time Arthur was struggling to be quiet and Merlin helped by silencing him with kisses.

° - ° - °

“I’m so glad we’re doing this,” Elena declared. “It’s just what I need after having probably ticked all the wrong answers.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Shut it. If you ticked all the wrong answers, I will have a negative number of points. Because believe me – I was worse than you.” Thanks to sexual fantasies of Arthur distracting me from the questions, Merlin thought bitterly to himself.

“Stop moaning, you two,” Morgana said accusingly. “This is a party in celebration of all the exams being over, not an opportunity to discuss who passed what how well. You can still do that in your seminars.”

Merlin took the crackers from Arthur’s hands.

“Oi! At least be polite and ask.”

“No way. You can wait a lifetime for that to happen,” Merlin threw back.

“You, Merlin Emrys, are currently in my room so you would do well to follow the rules like everyone else if you want to stay.”

“Can you either stop that or do it somewhere else?” Leon asked, sounding as if talking to small children.

“Yeah, it’s giving me a headache,” Gwaine endorsed.

Gwen, eager to change the topic to something with less potential for conflict, jumped up from the bed where she had been on. “Did anyone of you see Lance’s latest painting? No? Lance, go get it. It’s really good and of course he doesn’t believe me.”

“Is this the one I’m on?” Merlin inquired nervously. “Because if yes, I want to be the one to see it first. No one of you is going to see a painting of me if I haven’t seen it before.”

“And what?” Elena asked amused. “Merlin you don’t really have a say in this.”

Percy nodded. “She’s right. Get the painting, Lance.”

When Lance did not make a move to do so, Gwen left the room and came back with the canvas. Immediate silence filled the room. Merlin stared at the man in the picture who was lying on a bed in the same sprawled pose he had been in. But Lance had done something to his face that made the man look tormented, his mouth opened in a silent scream. His surroundings were painted in bright colours that turned darker the closer they got to him. Merlin thought it was a masterpiece.

Mithian clapped her hands and was joined by the others, making Lance blush furiously. He got up from the floor and brought the painting back to his room. “It’s not that good,” he mumbled when he entered again.

“Not good?” Gwaine asked incredulously. “It’s art and I like it. That says a lot.”

While the others tried to convince Lance of his talent, Merlin chanced a glance at Arthur who was sitting next to him on the ground, leaning against the bed. Arthur returned the look and in that moment of distraction reached out with his hand and grabbed some crackers from the bowl in Merlin’s lap. Merlin tracked the movement with his eyes and when Arthur brought them up to his mouth, a shiver ran across his skin at the memory of those lips on his throat and cock.

Merlin quickly took a gulp from his Gin Tonic to have a distraction. When turning back towards Arthur however he saw the other’s pupils being blown wide. Arthur placed his hand on the ground close to Merlin’s thigh, grazing the seam of the jeans with his little finger.

Changing his focus to Mithian who was currently talking insistently to Lance, trying to convince him to paint her, Merlin could not get rid of the memories of Arthur’s hands on his thighs and tracing the lines of his ribcage. He needed to get out of the room or otherwise his slowly building arousal would be visible for everyone.

“I just remembered I need to call my mum and tell her I’m planning to come home next weekend,” he mumbled to Percy and got up.

Standing in the hall, Merlin tried to take some deep breaths. No matter how much he wanted to touch Arthur, they could not under any circumstances continue touching each other in front of their friends. It would be beyond obvious. When Merlin had composed himself to some degree, the door to Gwen’s room opened and Arthur came out. He approached Merlin with quick steps and manhandled him into the bathroom, locking the door behind them.

“What are you doing?” Merlin hissed.

“The way you look at me, Merlin, it’s driving me crazy. And yes, I know how cheesy that sounds.”

Merlin smiled. “Believe me, I know exactly what you mean. You can’t just touch me like that Arthur. What if someone – ”

Arthur cut him off with a passionate kiss, manoeuvring Merlin to stand with his back pressed to the tiles.

“Does this mean you want to catch up on sex against the wall?” Merlin chuckled.

“Like hell I do. I have been thinking about it since that pub night.”

“As I said it’s not – ”

“I still want to try it.”

“Let me finish. It takes some time to arrange everything and we don’t have that. But – ” Here, Merlin spun them around so Arthur was the one caught between a body and the wall. “But I know how we can still make your wish come true.”

He quickly pulled down their trousers and pressed Arthur tighter into the wall. Kissing, they rubbed against each other until Merlin raised his hand to wet his fingers.

“Let me,” Arthur said, guiding them to his mouth.

Merlin whimpered at the sight as Arthur stared directly back at him, mouth stretched. Some moments later, Merlin retrieved his fingers and took both of them in hand. Arthur gasped at the touch and fucked into the circle Merlin had formed. Merlin took another step forward, kissing Arthur who raised his hands and gripped Merlin’s hair. It made Merlin’s eyes water a bit but the slight pain also made him feel a thrill of pleasure.

When Merlin had whipped away every trace of come on their bodies and they had made sure that they looked presentable in the mirror, they left the bathroom.

Pausing with a hand on the door handle, Arthur whispered, “Promise me we will do that again.”

Merlin pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You know I can’t.”

Arthur nodded and stepped into his room. Merlin waited another minute before following him.

For a short moment Merlin thought he had stepped into either a porno setting or a room full of teenage couples. Morgana was sitting in Leon’s lap on the floor, kissing him, while Percy and Mithian were dancing to a slow song, lips locked too, and – what surprised Merlin most of all – Elena straddling a sitting Gwaine who was leaning up to her, grazing his lips over her throat.

Gwen, Lance and Arthur were sitting on the bed. Merlin approached them, thoughts racing through his head and feelings of guilt crashing down on him. He just hoped Arthur and Gwen would not start kissing, too, because then Merlin would be forced to watch and make conversation with Lance. To his relief, Gwen put on a movie so they had something other than the couples to focus on.

° - ° - °

Some of the things only became clearer when Merlin was having tea with Elena, Gwen and Morgana a few days later. Lance and Arthur were out and Gwen had said she wanted to have an additional tea celebration for the end of exams in contrast to the alcohol one.

“We haven’t seen a lot of each other lately and I was wondering how you were all doing.”

“I feel miserable,” Elena immediately started. “And no, not because of Percy. Well indirectly yes, because of Percy.”

To Merlin’s horror she told them that she had only been making out with Gwaine in order to make Percy jealous.

“I know it’s awful,” she continued before anyone could say something. “And it’s so premature.”

“And not very fair to Gwaine,” Merlin said accusingly. “What were you thinking, Elena? He’s not your toy.”

“Oh he’s Gwaine. He does this casual snogging-thing all the time with people whose names he doesn’t even know,” Morgana remarked dismissively.

Merlin wanted to add ‘and who he doesn’t love’ but stopped himself. He had promised Gwaine not to tell anyone about his feelings for Elena. “It’s still not fair on him.”

“Hello? Can we focus on the fact that Mithian and Percy were kissing?” Elena exclaimed, tears glistening in her eyes.

Merlin took a deep breath as he turned towards her. “I am sick of you complaining about this. I understand that it hurts to be rejected but usually people pine in silence. Percy won’t change his mind on this issue. He loves Mithian and they’re happy together. You will have to find someone else.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Elena screamed at him. “And what kind of a friend are you?”

“One who’s also friends with Percy and Mithian, one who sees how well they fit. Together.”

“Merlin, I really think you should stop there before it gets ugly,” Gwen placed a hand on his thigh and looked at him pleadingly with big eyes.

Merlin crossed his arms and sent Elena an apologetic glance. “Sorry. All I’m saying is that I think you’re so focused on Percy that you miss all the other guys who look at you and try to win your heart.”

“Who is trying to win my heart?” Elena asked irritated. Morgana and Gwen had matching confused looks on their faces.

“I can’t tell you, I promised,” Merlin said, hoping Elena would notice Gwaine’s next advances – if there were going to be any.

“Well,” Morgana sighed. “If we’re talking about heartbreak now, I suppose I’m the next. I don’t know whether I still have a boyfriend. Leon proposed to me yesterday evening when we were snuggled up on the sofa and my answer was no. He left.”

They were all caught off guard by this revelation and therefore unable to respond in any way. After a few moments Gwen asked tentatively, “Why did you say no?”

Morgana turned pained eyes on her. “We’re what? Twenty-two? I am not getting married that young.”

“But you love Leon,” Elena said.

“Yes, I do. Would I be so upset otherwise? I mean it’s not just because of our age. But we haven’t even known each other for more than a year.”

“I don’t think that Leon was necessarily upset about you not saying yes to his proposal,” Gwen said, hugging Morgana. “I think it’s about him always having to compromise. Morgana, you know you can be quite demanding and Leon is really trying to fulfil your wishes. But he has opinions, too. Sometimes you could just go along with them. I know it’s not easy for you but Leon is your boyfriend. You have got to make that work somehow.”

Merlin agreed with her. “Give Leon a day and then explain to him why you don’t want to marry him now. And let him do things from time to time that you’re not comfortable with.”

“No, I’m not doing that. If he doesn’t want me the way I am, I can do without him.”

Merlin was frustrated with all of them. They could be in happy relationships, they were not out of reach but they chose not to make an effort.

“If it helps, Arthur and I are also having problems.”

Morgana, Elena and Merlin all turned towards Gwen.

“What?” Elena asked. “But you’re the happy couple.”

Gwen smiled sadly at her. “Not anymore. The past few weeks there has been someone else I feel ... more comfortable with. He makes me feel really in love, the kind that blows your mind and you can’t stop thinking about.”

Merlin’s mind was blank. “Who?”

Gwen bit her lip. “Lance. We slept together before Arthur and I became a couple.”

“You never told me,” Morgana whispered.

“No one, I told no one. I felt so stupid back then, falling in love with two men. But now I’m doubting whether I made the right decision. Don’t get me wrong Arthur’s still the same amazing and loveable person but Lance is ... more. Arthur has been acting strange lately and I just – ” Gwen shook her head.

“Are you going to break up with him?” Merlin asked, trying to keep his voice under control.

“I’m not sure. Arthur’s not treating me badly or anything. He just seems to be absent a lot of the time.”

“It’s going to turn out alright, I’m sure. You just need to spend a bit more time together again,” Elena said.

Merlin doubted that that would help but he kept quiet. It was not his place to meddle even more with their relationship.

° - ° - °

Mithian’s birthday the next day could only be described as a disaster. The small table in the pub Merlin had been in with Gwaine at the beginning of term did nothing whatsoever to ease the tension. Everyone was mainly occupied with their own drinks or talking to one of their friends. Leon kept darting hurt glances at Morgana but she did not deign to look at him.

Gwen whispered into Merlin’s ear, “They haven’t exchanged a single word since their fight. Why does she have to be so damn proud about her own will? Relationships are about doing things together, not your own way.” Just when she had finished her sentence, she seemed to catch up on what she had said and her shoulders slumped. “I just told myself to end things with Arthur, didn’t I? We’re not doing things together anymore. He doesn’t tell me about his life and I don’t kiss him as often as I used to. Even the sex is ... Well, that one time with Lance was better than it ever was with Arthur.”

Merlin doubted this very much.

“Back then I thought sex shouldn’t be the reason I choose someone. But if it’s never firework-sex then there is something missing in a relationship, right?”

“I guess it’s just a part of a relationship like any other,” Merlin offered. Which meant Arthur and himself had a fragment of a relationship. And to make things worse one Gwen’s relationship with him was missing. Merlin hated himself for being a coward and not telling Gwen then about Arthur. What was even worse was the thought that maybe Arthur was not that interested in Gwen anymore because of the moments spent with Merlin. It sickened Merlin to think he was the one responsible for separating them.

“Lance thinks I should leave Arthur in order to be with him. He’s actually shouted at me the first time yesterday.”

“Lance shouted?” Merlin had not even known Lance to be capable of getting angry to that extent.

But Gwen only nodded in confirmation.

On the other side of the table Mithian was talking to Percy. “I just don’t understand why everyone’s so sad at my celebration.”

Percy kissed her cheek. “It’s not about you. You’re wonderful and we all love you. I love you.”

Merlin saw Elena tearing up and everyone at the table knew it had nothing to do with her finding Percy’s comforting adorable. What no one of them saw coming however was Gwaine getting up and punching Percy in the face. People at the other tables turned their heads and Arthur quickly got up to talk to Gwaine and calm him down.

“Leave me alone, Arthur.”

It did not seem to be working.

“Percy, outside.”

Percy was still shocked from the punch. “What have I done to you?”

Gwaine’s eyes briefly focused on Elena.

“Gwaine, I’m not interested in Elena as a girlfriend,” Percy said voice rising. “Can everybody just get that for once?”

Gwaine’s face was red at this point. “It’s not about you loving her, it’s about what you not loving her made her do.”

Merlin had a bad feeling about this.

“She only kissed me because of you. That’s how desperate she was. And you don’t see that. Elena is wonderful in every possible way. She’s beautiful, funny, she bakes the best cupcakes in the world and is so full of life when she’s not pining after you. And you don’t even see that.”

Percy got up and towered over Gwaine. Now Leon was also on his feet trying to hold the taller man back.

“I am seeing all of this. She’s just not my type. And I am sick of you trying to blame it on me. She is the one who doesn’t want to understand that I don’t want her.”

Gwaine shoved Percy but Percy merely took a step backwards before he knocked Gwaine to the ground. Straddling him he tried hitting Gwaine but the latter fought back.

At this stage they had the attention of the entire pub on them. Elena and Mithian were screaming at them to stop as were Arthur and Leon who still tried to separate them to no avail. Only with the arrival of the bartender who had broad shoulders and an authoritative voice did the brawl come to an end. They were all thrown out of the pub. Elena walked next to Merlin.

“You were trying to tell me, weren’t you? About Gwaine.”

Merlin nodded.

Outside, Percy and Gwaine avoided everyone else’s eyes. It was obvious they were embarrassed by their own behaviour. However neither of them made excuses.

Elena stepped forward. “Gwaine, I – ”

“No.” He raised his hands dejectedly. “Leave it. I’ve had enough of this.” And he walked away.

° - ° - °

With Mithian’s dreadful birthday Gwen and Merlin decided that they wanted to at least solve the problems in their circle of friends that they were capable of. Merlin invited Morgana for another afternoon of tea drinking and Gwen phoned Leon telling him there was something wrong with their oven. Morgana had arrived first and now Gwen and Merlin were waiting for Leon to knock on their door. When he finally did, Gwen went to get it, saying that it was probably Mithian. As soon as Morgana saw it was not, she leapt to her feet, intending to leave immediately.

“No,” Gwen said in a stern voice Merlin could not remember having heard before. “You two are talking about your issues. Now. And we won’t let you go until you’ve at least found a better reason to end your relationship than pride or doggedness not allowing you to talk about it.”

Having established that, Merlin and Gwen sat down on the floor in front of the closed kitchen door. When Arthur entered the hall half an hour later he stopped in mid-stride as soon as he had spotted them. His frown was answered by Morgana and Leon coming out of the kitchen, holding hands. Arthur gratefully smiled at Gwen – and then at Merlin. Something in his gaze changed when his attention shifted and without saying anything else he stormed off into his room.

“Arthur?” Gwen got up and went after him, confused about Arthur’s behaviour.

Merlin suspected it was difficult for Arthur to see him and Gwen working together to help his sister. It probably made you realise that there were things you could not share with your girlfriend and your affair simultaneously.

° - ° - °

Gwen and Merlin’s next case was fixing Elena. When Merlin heard her say that she had realised that her behaviour towards Percy and Mithian had been inexcusable he had been beyond grateful. The fact that Elena wanted to meet up with them and negotiate their friendship of her own volition made things far less complicated for Gwen and Merlin. All they had to do was convince her to also talk to Gwaine.

It turned out they were not the only ones with this opinion. When Elena came over for tea and biscuits after her talk with Mithian and Percy, she told them about the couple advising her to also clear things up with Gwaine as soon as possible. All Merlin and Gwen had to do was nod and endorse the others’ advice.

Two days later, Gwaine showed up on their doorstep excitedly telling them that Elena had talked to him. Apparently she wanted to try out where a relationship between them would lead to.

“We’re starting it slowly. I want to do the whole dating stage properly before things are moved to the bedroom,” Gwaine announced, obviously proud of his new approach.”

At the end of the day the semester break was a good time for them. Couples found each other and there were various occasions to go out together, like giving Mithian’s ruined birthday party another – successful – try. Morgana and Leon were not getting married but at least engaged to each other. Elena and Gwaine turned into the couple that could hold their drinks best while Mithian and Percy never lost their loving glances.

The only thing that remained was the pink elephant in the room being avoided. Merlin almost never saw Gwen and Arthur exchange a caress in public anymore let alone at home.

° - ° - °

When one day Gwen and Lance were gone for a few hours, Arthur slipped into Merlin’s bed again.

After the sex Arthur pillowed his head on Merlin’s chest.

“Is Morgana actually related to you?” Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded. “When my mother was pregnant, my father cheated on her with Morgause. She got pregnant, too, but had several problems raising Morgana. Her – let’s call it life style – was not commendable and she died when Morgana was five. That was when someone informed my father that he had a daughter and she came to live with us. Although strange at first, it was nice growing up with her. I didn’t have any other siblings. She had some issues but I remember spending a fair amount of good times with her, so ... ”

“I have a little sister. It’s the same with her and me. At times I hated her but then there were moments when I was so proud of her. For example, she stood up for me at school when I outed myself as gay.”

Some time passed without either of them saying anything, each focused on their own thoughts. This was interrupted when Arthur rolled slightly away from Merlin, propping himself up on one arm, so he could properly look into Merlin’s face.

“I have to tell you something.”

Merlin did not like the sound of Arthur’s voice. It conveyed nervousness and insecurity, traits that did not fit with his personal image of Arthur.

“Us, what we have, I feel guilty about doing this to Gwen. I mean I love her – in some way – but then there’s also you. And Merlin, I can’t help catching myself thinking about you, thinking that you are the one.”

“The one?” Merlin’s voice trembled.

Arthur moved closer so they were almost kissing. “The one I want to be with. I love you, Merlin.”

For a short moment Merlin let himself have the kiss and the feeling of everything turning out brilliantly – for him. But when he thought of Gwen he was horrified to realise that Arthur’s confession took their little affair to an entirely new level.

Already feeling the tears in his eyes form, he nipped one last time at Arthur’s lips before gently shoving him away.

“We can’t be together, Arthur. I could never do this to Gwen. She loves you and she wants to work on your relationship. As my friend she deserves better from me.”

“But I finally made my choice, Merlin. I choose you. This isn’t linked to Gwen in any way.”

“For me it is. What happened between us, I always saw it as something that would never last. A brief fling that would be over after some weeks. It was always the plan that you would return to Gwen’s side.”

Merlin stopped himself there before he could get caught up and tell Arthur how he had changed his mind even after the first time they had slept together. The want inside him growing in proportion to his affections.

“Are you ending this now?”

“Yes. I want you to go and be happy with Gwen.”

The hurt and tears in Arthur’s face could not be denied. But he got up, dressed and left without a further word. Merlin followed his every movement with his eyes.

I love you, too.

° - ° - °

The next day Arthur went out to have lunch with his father who happened to be in town and Morgana. Merlin and Gwen were cooking together while Lance was out grocery shopping. Naturally, their conversational topic was Gwen’s relationship once again.

“I would like to know what’s bothering him lately. How can I fight for a relationship if I am not even sure what I can gain from it?”

Merlin bit his lip. It was time to finish what he had started the previous day. “I might know what occupied him over the last few weeks.”

Gwen froze in her motions and stared at him expectantly.

“Before I continue to explain things, you have to believe me, Gwen, that I am so very sorry.”

“What’s happened, Merlin?”

Merlin took a steadying breath. “I was having an affair with Arthur.”

Immediately every emotion slipped from Gwen’s face. The plate she had been holding in her hand crashed to the ground, shattering.

“You did what?” She hissed.

“It first happened when you were studying for your exam with Mithian.”

“You were getting it on with my boyfriend here? In our bed?” Gwen grabbed a tea cup and threw it on the ground. “How long did this last?”

“It ended yesterday,” Merlin answered truthfully.

For a short moment there was complete silence until Gwen’s rage manifested itself. She was stepping closer to him, punching him repeatedly in the chest with her fists.

“You are my friend, Merlin. How could you do this? Even when I told you how distraught I was because of Arthur acting so strangely, you did not once mention it. Did you use all that against me when you were with him?”

“No Gwen, you have to understand that it was never intended to be more than sex.”

“But it turned into more, didn’t it?” Tears were freely falling from her face, uncontrolled.

“It didn’t,” Merlin answered firmly. “And I ended it because I want you two to start over again.”

“How considerate of you, Merlin. There I was all this time wondering whether I should have chosen Lance back then, asking myself if it was because of something I did that Arthur’s behaviour changed. But I was missing the obvious thing: one of my best friends sleeping with my boyfriend.”

A thud sounded from behind Merlin, making him turn around. Lance slapped his face. Merlin guessed he deserved all of it.

“Leave,” Lance said with a snarl.

Merlin did not need to be told twice. He went into his room, packed his most important things and left without another glance back.

° - ° - °

Not sure whether any of his friends from university would be on his side – Merlin strongly doubted it, he himself was not on his side either – Merlin went to see the only other person he knew: Gilli.

Luckily he was at home and let Merlin in. Immediately seeing that something had gone terribly wrong, Gilli took care of him with hot chocolate and the offer to stay as long as he wanted or needed to. His flatmate had gone home for the term break and Merlin was more than grateful to have a room to himself.

The next morning Arthur was there, wanting to talk to Merlin. Gilli told him to fuck off but he kept on ringing the bell until Merlin opened the door, screamed at him to “Leave me alone!” and slammed the door in his face. He purposefully avoided looking into Arthur’s face, afraid he could see something to change his mind.

Merlin decided to ignore all text messages and phone calls from his friends during the time he was going to spend at Gilli’s. He only picked up when he saw Will’s name flashing on the display. He told him at once what had happened and in Will’s opinion it was clear it was all Arthur’s fault. Merlin had had every right to sleep around. But Arthur had been the one already in a relationship. And if he agreed to an affair then his consent was clearly he one to be condemned.

Merlin did not agree with him. His betrayal of his friendship with Gwen was just as bad a breach of confidence as Arthur’s. When Freya called a few days after Will, she was of the same opinion.

At the end of his two weeks spent at Gilli’s Merlin was convinced that all of them could be held responsible for what had happened in some way or another. And naming a guilty party would not help anyone.

° - ° - °

As there was only one week left until the next term would start Merlin moved back to the flat again. When he arrived he was glad there was no one there. He had hoped to find another flat but with this one being so cheap and close to uni, there simply was no better offer. In order to avoid having to meet them all too soon, Merlin decided to go out and drink some tea. After ten minutes of walking he stumbled upon a café that was bigger than the one Gwen worked at. He quickly went inside and after ordering his tea he began reading a book he had brought with him. After all, he planned to spend the entire day away from home.

Apparently fate had other things planned for him. He had only been in the café for an hour at most when Gwen and Arthur walked through the entry door. Arthur was laughing at something Gwen had said and they both ordered their beverages at the counter. Merlin tried to hide behind his book and watch them at the same time. Luckily they only bought something to go so they left again within minutes.

Two hours later Merlin spotted Elena and Gwaine coming into the café but this time he was seen, too. The couple approached him, holding hands.

“Hey, Merlin,” Gwaine said in a friendly voice.

Elena was not as calm. “Where have you been? We have been worried about you. You were not on Facebook and then we couldn’t reach you through your phone either.”

“Sorry.” Merlin was embarrassed that he only realised now that two weeks without any sign of life from him was probably truly disconcerting. “I was staying at Gilli’s. To er ... avoid you. Look, you don’t have to talk to me. I understand if you’re all angry at me for ruining Gwen and Arthur’s relationship. But I’ve seen them earlier and it looked like they’re back together, so I will search for another flat and find myself other friends.”

“Quit that nonsense, Merlin,” Elena said. The laugh that accompanied her request irritated him. “Gwen and Arthur are not a couple again. They have talked a lot over the past two weeks. Well, mainly over the course of last week after all they had been in the first week was angry. But they have sorted it all out now.”

“And you are coming home tonight,” Gwaine added, pointing a finger at him. “We missed you. So, a Merlin-returns-celebration is on order.”

Merlin found himself at a loss of what to respond or think, confronted with all this information.

° - ° - °

When Elena and Gwaine had left he spent another few hours reading his book before heading home. There he put his things into his room and headed for the kitchen. Without thinking about it he stepped into the kitchen which he should not have done. Gwen was sitting on the table and Lance was standing between her legs, kissing her passionately with one hand on her chest.

Instantly, Merlin spun around and rushed to his room. He had not been expecting this. Yes, Elena had said that Gwen and Arthur were not together anymore but according to Merlin’s worldview that did not immediately entail Gwen being groped by Lance in the kitchen.

A quiet cough came from Merlin’s door and Gwen stepped inside.

“Hey,” she blushed. “Um, first of all sorry for hitting you and intentionally breaking crockery in front of you last time you saw me. And then er, sorry for disturbing you?”

Merlin could not prevent himself from breaking out into a big smile at Gwen’s usual embarrassed ramblings.

“Good to see you, too, Gwen. Sorry I slept with your boyfriend? Repeatedly.”

Gwen did not show any signs that the talk of the affair bothered her. “Ex-boyfriend and now friend. Lance is er... but you probably guessed that already.”

“What about ... Arthur?” Merlin forced out of his dry throat.

Gwen smiled. “You will have to ask him that question. This time it’s not my place to tell. He should be home in a few hours. How about while we wait, you tell me what you’ve been up to these past two weeks?” Gwen approached Merlin’s bed and sat down on it.

° - ° - °

Merlin found the celebration slightly ridiculous. They were all acting as if they had actually doubted his return to Camelot. Furthermore, all Merlin really wanted to do was talk to Arthur. But it seemed everyone was there, having a good time as if there had never been any love triangles or heartbreak. Merlin was feeling uncomfortable because he was unsure of how to behave. Not knowing where he stood with Arthur, he did not know what all his friends thought of him.

When Arthur finally arrived, Merlin was a nervous wreck. Their eyes met across the kitchen and without hesitating, Arthur approached him to whisper into his ear. “Come with me? I need to explain some things.”

All Merlin could do was nod dumbly and follow Arthur out into the hall.

“Right, let’s start with the easy one,” Arthur began. “Lance has moved into the bigger room with Gwen which of course results in me inhabiting Lance’s former room. They are a couple now. Apparently Gwen has been pining for Lance for quite some time now and they even had sex shortly before Mithian’s birthday party. That was the only time they slept together opposed to us ... um. Anyway, Gwen said she understands why I began this affair with you and we are friends now because she still means a great deal to me.”

Merlin nodded at this point to convey he was still following Arthur even though honestly, he was distracted by Arthur’s eyes. This became even worse when Arthur took a step forward, entering Merlin’s personal space.

“Merlin, I want you to know that I still mean what I said two weeks ago. I love you and I want to be with you.” Arthur pressed their foreheads together. “What about you?”

Merlin fought the urge to tackle Arthur to the ground. “I’m not quite sure. You see, I’ve got to know you in such an intense and limited way that I sometimes have the feeling I don’t know you at all and other times I think I now you better than anyone.”  
“Please give me a chance to show you everything of me. I may not be perfect but I love you.”

“Yeah, I um ... might also love you. Like really.” Bad.

° - ° - °

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this fanfiction ;)


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